Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programme (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Mandatory social services
is
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are

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part of
the
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apply

It appears that the is unnecessary in this context. Consider removing it.

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secondary education in some countries. Many parents opine they are valuable experience to their adolescents, whereas antagonists feel that they could be a waste of time. From my point of view, Participating in communal activities are beneficial to youngsters' personal growth but they should be voluntary to give students more flexibility. On one hand, compulsory involvement in unpaid social service may affect our pupils' study.
As
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apply

It appears that the preposition As may be unnecessary in this context. Consider removing it.

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Our students are already pre-occupied by a hectic learning schedule, they may end up being overwhelmed by these
extra curricular
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extracurricular

The word extra curricular seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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activities.
For instance
, giving regular sports classes to younger kids requires weekly commitment even if our student tutors need more time to prepare for school.
This
may lead to less effort
on
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in
into

It appears that the preposition on may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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studying and ultimately affect their academic performance.
Therefore
, students should get to follow their own will and decide whether they could handle their studies as well as extra social commitments.
On the other hand
, joining charity and neighbourhood events could
boalster
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bolster

The word boalster is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

the social development of our younger generations. Not only do they could expand their social network and meet people from all walks of
live
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life

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, but
also
they could be encouraged to contribute
wihtout
Correct your spelling
without

The word wihtout is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

asking for return. Giving is an ideal virtue of a model citizen and our society need more caring people to help those in needs.
For example
, love and care could be disseminated by visiting the elderly and chit chat with them.
This
could bring them pleasure and less loneliness. In conclusion, voluntary communal commitment is vital to our students' development as well as our
neighborhood
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neighbourhood

The spelling of neighborhood is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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. But the school should motivate students to take part voluntarily rather than forcing them.
Submitted by funder5torm710 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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