IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Allocating subsidies to
artists
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 by
governments
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 is an arguable debate subject. Many believe that financial support is a significant responsibility that
governments
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 should undertake,
however
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, others deem that ministers can not be a source of
money
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 for supporting
artists
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. I firmly opine that
governments
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 should take action to curb financial worries.
To begin
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 with, a plethora of people have an opinion that earmarking
money
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 to
artists
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 is a waste of resources because they should be funded by alternative sources. It is undeniable that
this
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 argument can be extended by emphasizing the importance of third-party companies which play a pivotal role in addressing financial struggles for painters, musicians, etc. To cite an example, there are several contests about painting which are sponsored by financially vigor firms. So,
this
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 exemplifies that
while
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 having enough opportunities from these types of companies,
governments
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 are not needed to earmark subsidies for
artists
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 to alleviate certain issues.
On the contrary
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, it is unavoidable to have some affirmations about people who deem that
governments
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 should support
artists
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 financially. To explain,
this
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 idea comes from that
artists
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 can not be able to afford in their lives without having
money
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 adequately.
For instance
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, several fields are not revered, but require a big talent, and is feasible to promulgate cultural values and history to the world. I believe that it is obligatory to allocate
money
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 to these fields to motivate them
along with
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 promoting culture.
To conclude
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,
while
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 people are on the side that funding
artists
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 is a waste of
money
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, supporting them in any country is essential, and I believe
governments
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 should take action in terms of
money
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.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear overall progression. Use paragraphing to separate your points, and ensure that each paragraph contains one main idea that is thoroughly developed and supported.
coherence cohesion
Although you've included both an introduction and conclusion, ensure that the introduction clearly introduces the topic and your position, and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the points made and reiterates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with detailed support and examples. While you've provided some examples, such as contests sponsored by firms, providing more specific and relevant instances would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. You have presented a view on both sides of the argument and given your own opinion, but you should expand on your explanations to completely satisfy the task requirements.
task achievement
Express your ideas clearly and ensure they are comprehensive. You should also work on structure and clarity of your essay. Some sentences may be hard to follow due to grammatical issues or complex structures that do not come off clear.
task achievement
Use a wider range of relevant examples to support your points. Try to ensure the examples are directly related to the argument you're making and clearly illustrate your stance.
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