IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

It is quite common for both parents in a family to work. Sometimes this is because they need two salaries to survive whereas other times it is their choice. What are the problems you see in this situation? How does this affect the children and the family life?

#parents #work #two #salaries #times #choice #situation #affect #children #life
In these days, it is normal for both parents to work to fulfil their family needs because one source of income can not fulfil the household's needs.
Therefore
, it has been argued that worked parents have less
time
 with family rather than only one of them that works.
This
 essay will suggest the common problems caused by
this
 trend and the impact on the children. The main problem of workaholic parents are children grown up with lack of love. It means children can not see parents as their true love because they are likely to be abandoned. In long
time
 periods, lack of love can affect many aspects of children development, especially attitudes and their mental-awareness. Since they do not have friends to talk about, they have no guidelines,
for instance
, how to behave and how to solve problems.
Therefore
, the effects of busy parents can reflect on children's behaviour. Children with busy parents are likely to show as misbehaviour or,
in contrast
, loneness.
Firstly
, often, kids make some troubles just to get attention.
However
, in a long-term period, it may lead to misbehaviour because they think that the problems they produced are not big enough to attract parents attentions.
Therefore
, they may create a bigger problem until their parents notice them.
However
, on the other side, the loneness may generate a fatal mistake. Kids that usually feel loneness at home and have problems at school may seem to be fine in the day -
time
, but when it comes to night, they usually have horrible thought,
such
 as depressions and suicide. Those effects are very common in Japan and Korea, for examples. In conclusion, it is very understandable that parents work to fulfil their needs,
however
, attention and
time
 are
also
 needed to protect the children from being too far from the lines.
Therefore
, parents should divide an equal amount of family
time
 and work.
Submitted by michellina594 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: