Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required

t is true that increasing space for physical activities, like sports, can be the finest solution to live a healthier life.
However
, it is not the only way to do so, and some additional lifestyle modification and encouragement is necessary to be a healthy human being. Advocates to
this
believe
Replace the word
belief

The word believe doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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that it is important to ensure the availability of sports facilities to its maximum, for living a healthy life are correct up to some extent. Since easy accessibility to
health
spas would help the people to actively participate in different recreational sports within no time that would not only improves the physical wellbeing of a person but
also
releases the mental stress by diverting the mind.
This
is particularly beneficial for teenagers because, being youngsters, they have more energy to get involved in
such
activities, and found it interesting as well.
Nevertheless
, building space for physical activity alone is unlikely to result in a vast improvement in solving
health
issues until some other measures are taken.
Firstly
, the realization of the importance of good
health
is mandatory, and
this
could be done by increasing awareness through motivational
health
campaigns for the general public, as a whole.
Secondly
, upgrading the prices of unhealthy food items,
such
as, fast food and fizzy drinks could make them less reachable to local people that would
also
contribute to better lifestyle adaptations.
Also
, banning excessive alcohol and smoking usage would add on to it. In conclusion, I think that even though physical facilities should be provided to people, as
e
Add an article
an

The noun phrase exercise seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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xercise in any form is crucial for maintaining good
health
; few other steps are
also
vital to build a healthy society.
Submitted by mehreen.sohail56 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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