IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their health and diet. Others, however, believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #responsibility #individuals #care #health #diet #governments #citizens
It has been argued that individuals have their own consideration to maintain their health and diet, whilst others say that official should ensure the nation has access to get healthy meals.
This
 essay agrees that people have their own responsibility to take care
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
themselves. It is clear that healthy diets are essential to humans'
body
. Eating healthy
food
 will support your
body
 to do some activities. Lack of essential
food
 will lead to sickness.
However
, many young generations are commonly eating junk
food
 rather than healthy
food
. It is because
j
Add an article
the
show examples
unk meal is more delicious. Even though, they have another choice.
Therefore
, it is very normal to see youth suffers from diabetes and heart failure.
For instance
, according to WHO, 1 of 10 adolescents are having diabetes in 2030. To be exact, in Indonesia, there will be 21,3 millions
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
people with diabetes. It reminds me of a phrase, which is 'our choice of
food
 is reflected
Verify preposition usage
in
show examples
our
body
'.
Then
, it is true because our
body
 is our responsibility.
Hence
, it is our choice to be a healthy or sick person.
However
, some believe that
g
Add an article
the
show examples
overnment has the duty to make sure the healthy diet of their people.
This
 is true because
o
Add an article
the
an
show examples
nly
g
Add an article
the
show examples
overnment that has the power to accommodate the healthy
food
 store nearby. So, people can have easy access to obtain that rich-nutrients
food
.
Nonetheless
, it is still our preference of
food
 that inhibit us to be healthy, even though,
a
Add an article
the
show examples
uthority has enabled the access.
For example
, in Indonesia, there are a lot of traditional markets that sell vegetable and fruit, but the culture of Indonesian people, which is eating meat with Santan is more palatable, drives us into stroke and diabetes. In conclusion, while it is true that authority has a duty to provide healthy
food
 for the citizen, it is still our own responsibility to maintain our
body
 in fit conditions.
Submitted by michellina594 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health-conscious decisions
  • self-discipline
  • informed choices
  • personal accountability
  • regulating food industries
  • implementing policies
  • healthy eating
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies for healthy food
  • enabling environment
  • accessible
  • affordable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: