More and more prisons are being built to house the world's criminals, and many people believe long-term imprisonment is the answer to solving the crime problem. However, others feel that psychological assistance is what is required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.
Many prisons are
building
these days to keep Wrong verb form
built
the
criminals for their whole Correct article usage
apply
life
. Some would argue that to curb Fix the agreement mistake
lives
further
crimes, the offender should be detained in jail for their whole life
because they can be dangerous for
society, Change preposition
to
while
others say that they are sick and need mental health assistance. While
breaking the law is unacceptable, I believe they are ill and need to be treated. Therefore
, be compassionate and help them treat
in the hospital.
On the one hand, people believe lifelong imprisonment is the only solution to deter Wrong verb form
treated
crime
and criminal activities. Upon release from a custodial sentence, they will commit more crime
, which leads to a detrimental effect on society because it's hard for criminals to earn and live. Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
As a result
, their criminal instinct most certainly provokes them to commit more crime
and makes them a threat to a peaceful society. Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
However
, I can't entirely agree with this
idea because life long
custody will not solve the actual problem without solving the root cause.
Correct your spelling
lifelong
On the other hand
, many advocates that rehabilitation should be encouraged and enforced to treat them. The trained professionals should come on board and evaluate the crime
events' circumstances and deal them
with appropriate measures to treat them physically and psychologically. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Consequently
, a right rehabilitation program attributes the offenders to lead the
everyday Correct article usage
apply
life
upon their release from jail and help
them incorporate themselves effectively. I believe Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
this
method is preferable because when the offender's idea of criminal execution has explored
, evaluated, and treated, the better the chance to keep them away from their criminal instincts, which eventually helps the offender lead a peaceful Add a missing verb
been explored
life
later.
In conclusion, although
life
-long custodial sentences curb the criminal and the crime
, it does not solve the real problem in their minds.It is recommended that criminals be treated with compassion to live their lives as law-abiding citizens after release from law enforcement custodySubmitted by drrsali110 on
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task response
Ensure that the essay provides a more balanced argument for both views rather than strongly favoring one perspective. Also, address the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of long-term imprisonment and psychological assistance.
coherence and cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, make sure to use more linking words and cohesive devices within the paragraphs to improve the overall coherence and cohesion. This will help in creating a more logical flow of ideas.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used and consider using more precise and varied expressions to enhance the essay's lexical resource. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas more effectively.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and variety to include complex and compound sentences. Ensure that verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and word choice are used accurately to demonstrate a wider grammatical range.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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