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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some societies the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. What are the reasons for this trend? And what possible solutions could reduce this issue?

#societies #crimes #teenagers #trend
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According to
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 the research conducted by the Polish Government, in 2018, there has been a 25% rise in felonies conducted by young people.
This
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 study has raised many questions in comparison to the numbers in the
ear
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year
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 2000 when the offences by the youngsters were extremely low. With a striking peak in unlawful acts and no efficient way to help young individuals,
this
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 has become a concern for many.
This
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 paper focuses on the growing teen crime rate and examines the possible solutions.
To begin
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, the shocking reason why the young generation is committing more crimes than before is because of the lack of
education
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 and support.
Children
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 do not enter
the
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a
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 life of crime without a reason, either it is a lack of fundamental resources or parental guidance, both ways, it is concerning. A prime example, a study published by Juvenile
Law
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 Review discovered, that 65% of the youngsters committed an illegal act
due to
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 the unavailability of guardian supervision. In some societies,
children
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 are not given attention and
education
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 about what is morally right or wrong, and
therefore
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, youngsters find themselves making their own judgements.
Thus
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, in some cases,the outcomes of their decisions result in trouble with the
law
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.
Furthermore
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, the solution to the problem is not
straight forward
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straightforward
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, the state authorities should review each person on a case-by-case basis. Despite that, a more common approach to all cases would be to educate
next
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the next
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 generation,
provide
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and provide
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 them with
further
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education
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, as most of them cannot afford to even stay at
schools
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school
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.
The lawmakers
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Lawmakers
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 should make it compulsory to stay in school until the age of 18. To illustrate, UK
Law
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 recently changed
their
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its
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 age policy,
as before
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apply
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children
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 were only required to stay at school till 15, but many parents
complaining
Wrong verb form
complained
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Change preposition
about and
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and
Correct your spelling
an
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 increase in
misconducts
Fix the agreement mistake
misconduct
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,
British
Rephrase
so British
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Law
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 increased the age to 18.
In addition
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 to
this
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, arranging a family counselling meeting with
proven
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a proven
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 efficacy rate when it comes to resolving issues of troubled
children
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.
To conclude
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, in the face of rapidly increasing crimes by teenagers. The aforementioned solutions; mandatory
education
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 and psychological therapy with a trained professional can be implemented
in reducing
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to reduce
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 the crime rate.
Submitted by mehulsharma on

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coherence cohesion
To further enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that directly links to the main thesis of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are very smooth. Sometimes using transition words or phrases can help.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that the solutions proposed are discussed in more detail. This could make your arguments even more compelling.
task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the question equally. The reasons given were clear and comprehensive, but a bit more elaboration on the solutions would balance the response better.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt comprehensively, covering the reasons for the rise in teenage crime and offering potential solutions.
task achievement
The essay provides clear and relevant examples that enhance the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is strong, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-articulated, providing a good summary and closing argument respectively.
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