Caring for children is an important thing of the society it is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take child care training courses to what extent do you agree or disagree?

kids
really are the uncut diamonds and they require to be moulded into
brightest
Correct article usage
the brightest
show examples
ones by
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
genitors.
Therefore
,
parents
play a pivotal role in
upbringing
Verb problem
raising
show examples
their children towards a better life.Many suggest, that in order to provide the best response to their children, guardians should take part in
kids
programs.
However
,I stand against
this
notion and disagree to a large extent. To commence,before becoming a parent,every individual has a vast experience of life which one can utilize for better nourishment of their offspring and
this
knowledge cannot be expected from the ward protection training. To exemplify, there are umpteen mortals out there,living a successful life with sound characters and worthy goodwill, giving credit to
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
family for every accomplishment. Perhaps, it is an assurance that there were no javelina responsibility programs
then
.To be precise, people organizing these
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
was raised by
parents
without any know-how of child training.
In addition
,
parents
nowadays, are tackling
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
show examples
schedule at
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
that they are unable to give noticeable stretch to their buds,
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
they are hiring nannies
for looking
Change preposition
to look
show examples
after their
kids
.
Thus
,attending minor care
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
will raise the water above heads rather than finding a proper cure.
Furthermore
, there is no assurance that there will
be
Rephrase
always be
show examples
an always positive outcome of these programs as many
kids
can resist the variation in
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
guardians
Change noun form
guardians'
guardian's
show examples
behaviour. Every coin has two faces,the most prominent reason for gaining comprehension about child activity is the generation gap.In favour,
parents
require
proper
Correct article usage
a proper
show examples
understanding of today's world for their buds
hence
, the childcare program can play its role on
this
occasions
Fix the agreement mistake
occasion
show examples
though some internet research is helpful as well.
For example
, You tubes about
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
can be helpful In a nutshell,
although
there is a requirement of some modern initiatives, I believe that
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
presence and
learnings
Fix the agreement mistake
learning
show examples
are very pivotal for better development of minors so rather than attending child caution training genitors should attend their
kids
Submitted by gurbir.singh.tur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider expanding your introduction to provide a clearer context for the discussion. This sets the stage for your argument more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next. Transition words and phrases can help with this.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity of your ideas by avoiding overly complex sentences. Try breaking them into shorter, more direct statements.
task achievement
Use more relevant examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Revise your conclusion to summarize your main points more effectively. This will provide a coherent end to your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively and presents a clear stance.
coherence and cohesion
You provide a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have made some good points regarding the life experience of parents and the potential drawbacks of mandatory training courses.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: