IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Write about the following topic: In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#topic #countries #people #fitness #trainer #sports #exercise #classes #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In many countries, people prefer to hire an individual
fitness
 coach
instead
 of attend some
workout
 classes or playing sports. I believe
this
 decision is driven by several reasons which are: more structured
program
 offer and has an accountable
partner
. Seeing the result of people who hire a personal
trainer
, I acknowledge
this
 leads to a positive development. Hiring a personal
fitness
trainer
 will definitely cost more expensive compare to the regular membership.
Although
 there is a drawback of exercise with personal
trainer
, It fortunately gives more upshot than a disadvantage.
Firstly
, more structured
program
. Hiring a coach it means, we can get a
program
 which tailor only for the member. Personal trainers will adjust with our
fitness
 goals,
for example
: fat loss, muscle gain or maintainence. They will pick out the most suitable
program
 and meal plan align with our goals.
For instance
, they will recommend more protein intake for a muscle-gain achiever than those are willing to lose their weight.
Secondly
,
Fitness
 coach is a gym accountable
partner
. An accountable
partner
 will gives you motivations throughout the
fitness
 journey and ensure we are not skipping any
workout
, eating an unhealthy food, nor having a bad lifestyle. Seeing the result of members who are using a personal
trainer
 to their
workout
 regime, I believe
this
 has lead to the positive development. As people started to leverage their willingness to have active lifestyles, more consistent to achieve their body goals and lessen their bad habits. These benefits will not appear if we don’t choose a
fitness
trainer
 in advance.
Overall
, having
workout
 exercises with a
trainer
 give a lot of benefits namely having more structured
program
 and having an accountable
partner
 at the same time. These benefits have lead to healthier life which are more active, more consistent and less bad habit.
Submitted by rkarinameu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, use more linking words to smoothly transition between points. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
For better task achievement, include more specific examples and elaborate on them to clearly illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to improve the flow of your writing and keep the reader engaged.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of key terms like 'personal fitness trainer.' Use synonyms or paraphrasing to add variety to your essay.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the topic and provides a complete response, which is excellent for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively included an introductory paragraph and a conclusion, which is crucial for a well-rounded essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: