Some parents think children should have mobile phones, others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

A group of guardians deem that
cell
phones
should be provided to
adolescence
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
,
while
others opine that if toddlers are given
phones
they may misuse
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. I reckon that teenagers should be provided with modern technologies and they must be well acquainted with other scientific developments.
Due to
the rapid developments being made in the science
stream
Add a comma
stream,
show examples
many innovations are being made each new moon. First of all, it is crucial to move
along with
time.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young minds must be aware of all the developments being made
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Secondly
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
providing a
cell
phone to kids not only increases their safety but
also
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
helps in communicating. For example, a recent survey of men and women states that 20% of staff felt more secure by talking to their children during office breaks.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young minds
also
enjoy playing games on devices like mobile
phones
which helps them
built
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
endurance,
patience
Correct word choice
and patience
show examples
and hone other skills.
On the other hand
, we have a group of people who believe that giving amateurs
cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
is not only good but
also
is not essential. To begin with,
cell
phones
distracts
Correct subject-verb agreement
distract
show examples
neonates not only from studies but
also
from concentrating on their work.
As a result
, it affects their academic career and demotivates
from
Correct pronoun usage
them from
show examples
studies.
In addition
to
this
, these expensive gadgets have become schoolgoers favourite pastime.
This
either leads to loneliness or staying isolated
thus
affecting mental health. To illustrate, a study conducted in Pune revealed
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
children with
cell
phones
scored fewer marks in academics as compared to those without
cell
phones
. To recapitulate, some parents think by providing
cell
phones
to their kids they can monitor their movements very well.
Thus
is necessary to provide the
cell
phone to stay connected with them.
Submitted by fn5847 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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