IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations

#world #life #expectancy #individuals #society #measures #impact #populations
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 day and
age
Use synonyms
 , there has been a surge in an individual's
life
Use synonyms
 span. Many believe it is having an unfortunate
impact
Use synonyms
 on others in the community.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the problems associated with increasing
age
Use synonyms
 that humans are living and examine possible solutions that can be implemented to reduce the
impact
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 effect on society.
To begin
Linking Words
, according to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research conducted by New Scientist magazine, there has been a growing concern regarding peak in average
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy in countries
such
Linking Words
 as
U
Add an article
the
show examples
K and USA. Many believe
this
Linking Words
 can have a direct
impact
Use synonyms
 on the society, as it can burden pension
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and healthcare sectors. To illustrate, a study published by National Health Service (NHS) UK reported that,
a
Add an article
the
show examples
verage
life
Use synonyms
 span of an individual in the 21st century is 90 years which is 20% more in stark contrast to
19th century
Add a hyphen
19th-century
show examples
 statistics. People are living longer nowadays, and are
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, using more medical care than before. In the UK, senior citizens
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
received
 free medical care, so if the population is living above the
age
Use synonyms
 of 65, it is costing NHS more money and
in addition
Linking Words
, there is a long waiting period to see health professional for other
age
Use synonyms
 groups. For
this
Linking Words
 reason, it is having a tremendous
negtaive
Correct your spelling
negative
 effect on
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the state needs to implement measures to reduce the
impact
Use synonyms
 caused by
Add an article
a
the
show examples
rise
Change the verb form
rising
show examples
 in average human
life
Use synonyms
 span. To illustrate, a study published by
M
Add an article
the
show examples
alaysian Hospital Review Board reported that, elderly patients should not be treated excessively as it is a waste of medical resources.
Instead
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
show examples
they should be given
supplemntive
Correct your spelling
supplementing
 medications to help them with
r
Add an article
the
show examples
est of their lives.
This
Linking Words
 study was highly
critized
Correct your spelling
criticized
 by many nations, but the reason behind
this
Linking Words
 report was to show that, senior
citicens
Correct your spelling
citizens
 do not respond well to strong medications and highly invasive surgeries, it is better to treat them safely. It is not possible to reduce their
life
Use synonyms
, which will be ethically
wropng
Correct your spelling
wrong
 ,
btu
Correct your spelling
but
 treating them
pallitively
Correct your spelling
palliatively
 would decrease the load on health services across the world. To conclude, in the face of rapidly growing
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 population in
d
Add an article
the
show examples
eveloping world. The aforementioned solutions
such
Linking Words
 as treating elderly in
pallitive
Correct your spelling
palliative
 care
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to be implemented to decrease the negative
impact
Use synonyms
 on the other citizens.
Submitted by mehulsharma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
What to do next:
Look at other essays: