IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #education #classes #curriculum #children #time #subjects
The ability to find
b
Add an article
a
show examples
alance between mental and physical health has been discussed in school communities for the past years. Is exercising the body fundamental to get good grades since it takes mental effort to solve math problems? Or is
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 sports part of the cognition process to achieve higher performance in studies? These questionings are essential to understand whether Physical Education classes must be included or not in
s
Add an article
the
show examples
chool curriculum. Physical Education has been integrated
to
Verify preposition usage
into
show examples
 the school curriculum for decades. Improving academically means to not only sit down,
r
Add the word(s)
but also
show examples
ead texts and answer questions yet stand up, go outside, and get the body into movement. Abilities
such
 as creativity, entrepreneurship, critical thinking, computational thinking
requires
Change the verb form
require
show examples
 as much from body endurance as mental cognition. Students who find equilibrium in their routine to improve both are expected to reach
further
 goals.
However
, there are academic subjects which Physical Education does not directly affect
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
cognitive development. Academic examinations usually evaluate the candidate’s cognition based on their ability to solve math, science, or another regular subject.
Therefore
, it is common for people to focus on studying and getting good grades only by answering problems and not working out since it will not make
s
Add an article
a
show examples
ubstantial difference. As an educator, I believe in the sense of stability found in keeping good physical and mental wellbeing.
21st century
Add a hyphen
21st-century
show examples
 abilities call for providing the student and future worker with not only intellectual, emotional, or perceptual aptitudes but with physique strength. Students must be allowed to experience all kinds of skills provided by education, so they are able to build confidence in what they are good at.
Submitted by nataliaaolobo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: