IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

#childhood #diseases #vaccines #parents #law #immunise #children #individuals #right
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, several vaccines are developed to prevent many deadly childhood diseases. Many people that believe that the government should create laws for parents to have their children immunized again common disease. While some individuals feel that it is the parents right to decide not to immunize their children.
First
Linking Words
, The government should make and implement the laws to vaccinate young or newborn children to protect them from having common diseases
such
Linking Words
 as Polio, smallpox, chickenpox, hepatitis A or B, and many more. The law should be enforced strictly on all families whether they are rich or poor and the government should make sure that these vaccines are provided free of cost or at least at a reasonable price so all income group families could afford them.
However
Linking Words
, there are people who would not agree with
this
Linking Words
 law because they consider that they have rights over their children and know what is best for them. Some parents lack awareness towards
such
Linking Words
 topics, while some just avoid and do not care. Income level of families
also
Linking Words
determine
Change the verb form
determines
show examples
 their decision to vaccinate their kids. According to recent research, it was discovered that more than 70 per cent of the population in Sindh is hesitant to provide immunization to their children because of their low wages and expensive vaccines. In conclusion, laws should be strictly enforced on parents to vaccinate their children from common diseases,
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 decision should not be left on the parents as it might compromise a child's life.
Submitted by MK on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: