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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think it is a better to leave their home country to improve their work and living opportunities, while others think staying in their own country is a better choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In today’s globalised world, some individuals prefer to move far from their birthplace, searching for better job opportunities,
while
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 some citizens are comfortable staying in their hometown. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views of why it is better to leave home and why some insist on staying in their country.
Although
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, from my perspective, considering that work offers abroad is a very good reason to go. The main reason why some populations decide to settle in other world spots is to upgrade their careers, and earn more money, as many countries give double the salary than the salary earned in their hometowns.
For instance
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, the doctors in my city are getting less money which triggered them to move to first-world countries, where they are paying approximately ten times more, which means that it helps them to move forward in life,
whereas
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this
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 experience allows them saving proper funds for their forthcoming days for themselves and for their families. Clearly that leaving their homes is a great choice to make a massive change in their financial status and secure their life too.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some folks who prefer to stay in their birthplace,
due to
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 contentment , and
also
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 leaving their families is not an option for them.
For example
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, some people have their own business, and they are earning sufficient money that secures their present and future in all life essentials.
In addition
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, some citizens are not earning enough funds, but they are sacrificing to be closer to their families. In conclusion,
this
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 essay depicts that every person has various reasons for going abroad or staying in their hometown. In my opinion, I believe that moving out of the state is the perfect decision to start growth, and to gain massive experience and build the foundation stone of their financial level.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. It can help guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that links back to your overall argument.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and details to support your points, as this will strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly by using linking words and phrases.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument well, which demonstrates good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The use of personal examples adds a relatable touch to the argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • professional growth
  • quality of life
  • stronger economies
  • employment opportunities
  • advancement opportunities
  • emotional bonds
  • cultural ties
  • familiar environment
  • contributing to
  • local economy
  • personal aspirations
  • cultural identity
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