IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some countries invest in specialized sports facilities for top athletes but not for the average people. Is this a positive or negative development?

A certain number of nations allocate funds for professional athletic facilities, which are available only for first-class sportspeople, but not for ordinary citizens. In my opinion, it is rather an unfavourable development than a positive one.
First,
Linking Words
the government should take care of the health and physical development of all citizens and not only
sports
Use synonyms
 elites.
This
Linking Words
 is because every working citizen pays taxes and should have equal rights
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social amenities
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
specialized
Change the spelling
specialised
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 centres.
Thus
Linking Words
, funding of special-purpose
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities might be considered as social inequality, especially if they were not available
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a regular person.
For example
Linking Words
, when I had decided to start jogging, I was completely frustrated by the fact that a running ring with an excellent soft covering was not allowed for training if a person was not a member of the national team. Some people might argue that top athletes should have priority because they represent a country on the world stage.
However
Linking Words
, despite the fact that international competitions and the reputation of the country are important, investing in professionals' needs
only
Rephrase
alone
show examples
 does not pay off in the long term because the construction and maintenance of
sports
Use synonyms
 halls are highly expensive. Meanwhile, modern society has other crucial issues, which are in demand for funds
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as the health care system, city infrastructure, and environmental issues. In conclusion, I think that the latest tendency among certain governments to invest in
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities for superior sportspersons
leaving
Punctuation problem
, leaving
show examples
 average people
behind
Punctuation problem
behind,
show examples
 is a negative trend because every citizen should have equal rights.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in terms of revenue from international events
funding
Punctuation problem
, funding
show examples
 of these elite
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 objects is not profitable.

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task response
Task response: state your view clearly at the start and keep it in the view all through the piece. add more direct facts or real life examples to back your point.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: start each paragraph with a clear main idea sentence. use linking words like also, but, and, in addition, to show how ideas fit together.
task response
Clear stance shown in introduction and conclusion.
coherence
Good use of paragraphing and some linking words.
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