IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that advertising encourages people to buy things they do not need. Others say that advertisements are important sources of information about new products. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #advertisements #sources #information #products
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People have different opinions about
advertisements
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.
Although
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 some say that they are an important
tool
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 for making new
products
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 known because of their effectiveness, I believe that they encourage
individuals
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 to buy their
products
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 thanks to their persuasion power.
Firstly
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, the main reason why
advertisements
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 are important sources of information is that, unless the company is well known, the only effective way to make its own product known is through
this
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tool
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.
Advertisements
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 are an extremely effective means of communication with the customer; since they can be spread very easily across numerous platforms and be in contact with many
individuals
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 for a prolonged period of time.
For example
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, a company can put
advertisements
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 across phones, websites, and computers through the investment of
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 financial resources.
As a result
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, since many
individuals
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 frequently use these sorts of platforms, they are constantly engaged by
this
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tool
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.
This
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 demonstrates that
advertisements
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 are easily accessible by
customers
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, which makes their
products
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 known.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that
advertisements
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 are more of a persuasion
tool
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, that encourages people into buying unnecessary things. The main principle behind them is to manipulate their feelings and to take advantage of the irrationality of human nature;
this
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 is done in order to induce
customers
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 into spontaneous buying.
For instance
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, many companies adopt the strategy of limited discounts on their
products
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.
This
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 induces the "fear of missing out" on their own customer, and
consequently
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 the need to buy their
products
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.
This
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 shows that
advertisements
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 exploit human nature in order to make
customers
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 buy things that they don't need. In summary,
while
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 various
individuals
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 think of
advertisements
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 as an information
tool
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 for new
products
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, I believe that it is more of a persuasion
tool
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;
that is
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 made only to induce
customers
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 into buying their
products
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kevinwang9000 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a clear and consistent progression of ideas throughout your essay. Although you did well, ensure every paragraph logically follows the previous one with clear transitions.
Task Achievement
Support your points with even more specific examples or data when possible, to strengthen your argument further.
Task Achievement
You provided a balanced view by discussing both perspectives before stating your opinion, which is crucial for this type of essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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