Some people think that old houses should be knocked down to build new houses or apartment blocks. Others think that old houses should be protected because they are part of a nation’s history. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

First
of all, Steve Jobs has started his
speech
with the importance of the university degree. In his example
Add a comma
,
show examples
he said
Add the punctuation
,
show examples
"I never graduated from the
college
" and through the
speech
he explained
college
degree is not that important to be successful. He explained that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
in
m
Add an article
the
a
show examples
oment that he is doing that
speech
,
this
is his closest moment to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
graduation.
Also
Add a comma
,
show examples
he mentioned about how he dropped out
from
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
the
college
. After all
Add a comma
,
show examples
about the graduation, he
breifly
Correct your spelling
briefly
mentioned about his past. His biological mother decided to put him out for
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
adoption.
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
family
was nearly adopt
Change the verb form
nearly adopted
show examples
him but in the final stage, they changed their mind and decided to have a girl. His biological mother refused to sign adoption papers because she
find
Change the verb form
finds
show examples
out that the mother of the family has not had a university degree and the father of the family has not even graduated from school. After few months family that will adopt Steve Jobs has promised to send him to a
college
. When he wents to school he decided that the school is an
unneceserry
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
expence
Correct your spelling
expense
and there is no need to finish it at all. In his words, dropping out
from
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
college
is one of the best decisions that he made. After dropping out
from
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
the
college
he had
such
a bad
days
Correct the article-noun agreement
day
show examples
. He explains that how important is the one class that changed his life. He described the class like
this
, "Beautiful, Historical,
Artisticly
Correct your spelling
Artistically
suddle
Correct your spelling
saddle
cuddle
in a way that science can not capture". He explains
that
Remove the determiner
apply
show examples
how important
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
these classes when he
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
designing the
first
macintosh
Change the capitalization
Macintosh
show examples
computer. He
describe
Change the verb form
describes
show examples
all these as
a
Change the article
the
show examples
first
story of his
speech
" Connect the Dots". He demonstrates how connected his past and his future. His
second
story was about "Love and Loss". He
describe
Change the verb form
describes
show examples
the luck as finding what you love early in his life. They hired a guy whom Steve thought very talented to run company with him. After the
first
year, they had
a
Change the article
an
show examples
opinion difference
Submitted by umutcerin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: