IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Doing an enjoyable activity with children can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

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The effect of encouraging innovative ideas for equipping the young with the most effective approach
of
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to
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 developing their skills or adopting a traditional method of reading
book
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books
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 is a controversial topic these days. I personally advocate that it would be better to focus on developing their interpersonal skills by joining
activities
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such
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 as
sport
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sports
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.
This
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 essay will explore these issues, using examples from recent studies carried out by the universities
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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to demonstrate points and support arguments. One strong argument in favour of reading is that schoolchildren learn more new knowledge
such
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 as vocabulary and
sentences
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sentence
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 structure more effectively when they simply access novels with illustrated, colourful pictures. It is a ubiquitous and omnipresent phenomenon that
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this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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could allow them to enrich their linguistic levels because they are capable of acquiring a full grasp of either
mother
Correct pronoun usage
their mother
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 language or even
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
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 language from these paper materials. Recent studies carried out by
the
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apply
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Oxford University
indicates
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indicate
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 that a group of children between the
age
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ages
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 of 0 to 6 start learning
from
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by
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 listening to storybooks read out loud by their parents before sleeping as the new part of their brain can be activated.
Therefore
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, it is proved that the young should be encouraged to have a precious period to read books in their daily
activities
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. Despite the aforementioned supporting ideas of studying accessible and appealing books among children.
Also
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, It is true that doing some creative
activities
Use synonyms
such
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 as building LEGO can
also
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 tend to make the young better candidates in their working fields in the future rather than those who have been just only reading books since their childhood. To illustrate, some experts worked out studies to indicate that a class of primary school students who participate in some innovative and self-directed
activities
Use synonyms
 in their daily class lessons, including arts, drama or debating, are more likely to have excellent academic performances
as well as
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 demonstrate realistic problem-solving in challenge situations.
As a result
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, it is advised that the element of student autonomy and enjoyable class
activities
Use synonyms
 should
immerse
Wrong verb form
be immersed
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 into their learning facilities.
To conclude
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,
although
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 there are numerous reasons why pupils should read materials
of
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from
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 paper sources. I strongly believe that young members
in
Change preposition
of
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 academic institutions start participating in energetic and self-motivated curricular tasks in their school years.

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task achievement
Provide a clearer stance in your introduction and ensure it is consistent throughout your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use better paragraphing to separate distinct ideas or arguments, making it easier to follow your logical flow.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are specific and more directly related to your argument for clarity.
content
Your essay presents a relevant and interesting topic that prompts discussion about learning methods.
evidence
You have included examples from studies which show you have done some research, adding depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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