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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe social media is very important in our daily life, other believe it is waste of time. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

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Technology has created various platforms to communicate across the globe. Social networking sites are imperative in
everyday's
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everyday
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 life, though
others
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 consider it to be not useful to spend time on them. In my opinion, in spite of having some demerits,
however
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, I think that it is essential to use
such
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 sites to stay in touch with the outside world.
To begin
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 with, many believe that using social
media
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 is an unproductive activity.
Reason
Correct article usage
The reason
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being
Wrong verb form
is
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, It has contents that add nothing to the knowledge level of the individuals, so the time spent on them is of no use. Thereby, they see it as a lousy activity.
For instance
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, a video
in
Change preposition
on
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 Facebook,
for instance
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, showed that a man was snoring in different variations and it had the maximum number of views, though the clip had no important information to be conveyed to the viewers.
However
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, when people engage themselves in social
media
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, they come out of their boredom as it has
many
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apply
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contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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 that might not be informative but
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 funny.
On the contrary
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,
others
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 and I feel that it benefits society. In recent times, individuals
travel
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have travelled
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 across geographies for quality education and for better career prospects, these sites
make
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have made
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 them stay connected with their friends and family as they can instantly share pictures and videos,
also
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 could chat with each other.
As a result
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, they remain in contact. After the advent of Instagram, many people hardly felt about being alone as they were able to make a video call with their loved
once
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ones
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.
This
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 is why it is apparent that had there not been any social
media
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, people would have found it difficult to stay in connection with
others
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.
To conclude
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,
while
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 some assert that using social
media
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 is a mere waste of indispensable time, for
others
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 it is of immense usefulness. Despite varied opinions, even though it has a meagre disadvantage, I have a firm conviction that it helps the world to stay connected.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider refining the introduction to create a clearer outline of the arguments that will follow. Perhaps state explicitly that you will discuss both views before giving your opinion.
task achievement
In the second body paragraph, clarify the point about staying connected further by providing additional examples or elaborating on how social media impacts relationships positively.
coherence and cohesion
When stating that social media can help relieve boredom, try to connect this point back to its value more directly, linking it with your overall narrative about staying connected.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views, which is a strong aspect of addressing the task.
task achievement
You provide some relevant examples which help illustrate your points, particularly the use of social media for staying in touch with friends and family.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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