IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

What is the most important thing for governments to spend money on: education, health, transportation, or something else?

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Nowadays
people
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 have problems with the
government
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 because they spend their
money
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 on things that are insignificant or sometimes they even steal their
money
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, but we want a change, I would think that
money
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 should be spent on
health
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 as it is a very important factor and it's too expensive, so the
government
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 should spend the
money
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 on
health
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, I feel
this
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 way for two reasons which I Will explore in the following essay.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 do not have enough
money
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 to pay for
health
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 care and
that is
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 where the
government
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 should help those in need,
health
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 is very important more than anything else because if we do not have
health
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 we have nothing, and in some countries,
people
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 do not have enough support from the
government
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 to be able to pay them and
that is
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 why sometimes there are so many deaths since
health
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 is too expensive,
for example
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, In my country, the
government
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 does not spend
money
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 on
health
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, so everyone has to pay for their
health
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, but they help in the
education
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 for those
people
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 that even don't want, so here I think the
health
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 is more important because is a vital factor more than
education
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.
Secondly
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, everyone needs
health
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, every day many
people
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 get sick and have no way to pay for their medicines, the
government
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 must think and spend the
money
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 where we are all going to use it and it will be of help not in something insignificant where no one will be able to use it or it will not be important,
for example
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, the
government
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 can spend
money
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 on
education
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 but not everyone will want to get an
education
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 but in
health
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, we will all need it every day. In conclusion, I feel strongly that
health
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 is more important and the governments have to spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
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 on it since it is too expensive and it is something we need but sometimes we cannot afford it ourselves.

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task response
The response is relevant but lacks depth and development. It has some relevant supporting points but lacks clear analysis and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay has some clear logical progression and a basic introduction and conclusion. However, the lack of development and the weak link between ideas affects the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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