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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

What is the most important thing for governments to spend money on: education, health, transportation, or something else?

#governments #money #education #health #transportation
Nowadays
people
 have problems with the
government
 because they spend their
money
 on things that are insignificant or sometimes they even steal their
money
, but we want a change, I would think that
money
 should be spent on
health
 as it is a very important factor and it's too expensive, so the
government
 should spend the
money
 on
health
, I feel
this
 way for two reasons which I Will explore in the following essay.
To begin
 with,
people
 do not have enough
money
 to pay for
health
 care and
that is
 where the
government
 should help those in need,
health
 is very important more than anything else because if we do not have
health
 we have nothing, and in some countries,
people
 do not have enough support from the
government
 to be able to pay them and
that is
 why sometimes there are so many deaths since
health
 is too expensive,
for example
, In my country, the
government
 does not spend
money
 on
health
, so everyone has to pay for their
health
, but they help in the
education
 for those
people
 that even don't want, so here I think the
health
 is more important because is a vital factor more than
education
.
Secondly
, everyone needs
health
, every day many
people
 get sick and have no way to pay for their medicines, the
government
 must think and spend the
money
 where we are all going to use it and it will be of help not in something insignificant where no one will be able to use it or it will not be important,
for example
, the
government
 can spend
money
 on
education
 but not everyone will want to get an
education
 but in
health
, we will all need it every day. In conclusion, I feel strongly that
health
 is more important and the governments have to spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
 on it since it is too expensive and it is something we need but sometimes we cannot afford it ourselves.
Submitted by danna201096 on

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task response
The response is relevant but lacks depth and development. It has some relevant supporting points but lacks clear analysis and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay has some clear logical progression and a basic introduction and conclusion. However, the lack of development and the weak link between ideas affects the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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