IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people today are moving from the countryside. Why is this happening? Do you think it is a positive or negative development

Nowadays, it is noticed that the young generation
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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 to migrate from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 to metropolitan
cities
Use synonyms
 for
different
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
multiple reasons. The main reasons are that the young generations have different life goals, as some
people
Use synonyms
 want to move for better job
opportunities
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 others want to settle there permanently for their
kid’s
Check wording
kids’
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 future. I think it is a positive change
Punctuation problem
, and
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and
Correct word choice
but
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also
Linking Words
Verb problem
has the
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 negative impact on the
infrastructure
Use synonyms
 of
cities
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, mostly young adults leave their homes and migrate to big
cities
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 for better job
opportunities
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, because small towns do not have
job
Correct word order
sufficient job opportunities
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opportunities
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 sufficient
positions
Check wording
apply
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and
also
Linking Words
Rephrase
apply
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hence
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, they do not have a chance for
career
Use synonyms
 growth there.
Therefore
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, they have to survive there with limited salaries. As any youngster wants to
career
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 growth
further
Linking Words
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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career
Use synonyms
 and acquire
luxury
Correct article usage
a luxury
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 lifestyle so they move towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
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urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 to get these benefits and
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
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 a luxury lifestyle in
cities
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
Dawn
Correct article usage
the Dawn
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newspaper
Punctuation problem
newspaper,
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 every year 50,000
people
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 (
age
Replace the word
aged
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group
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apply
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between 20years to 35years) are migrating to big
cities
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 for their
career
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 growth and a better future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the migration of
people
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 from remote areas to big
cities
Use synonyms
 creates challenges for government authorities,
due to
Linking Words
continuously
Correct word order
people continuously
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people
Use synonyms
moving
Wrong verb form
move
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 towards metropolitan
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cities
Punctuation problem
cities,
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it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 hits
Use synonyms
infrastructure
Correct article usage
the infrastructure
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 of urban areas.
Cities
Use synonyms
 become overpopulated and traffic
also
Linking Words
 increases
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
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 the
infrastructure
Use synonyms
 of
cities
Use synonyms
 fails
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the result will
economic
Verb problem
be economic
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cries
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crises
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start
Verb problem
apply
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and inflation
rise
Check wording
apply
show examples
. The best example of
this
Linking Words
 scenario is Karachi city. In Karachi,
people
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 migrate from different
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of the country and
settled
Wrong verb form
settle
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 there.
Linking Words
Hence
Punctuation problem
Hence,
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 the transport system is
destroying
Wrong verb form
being destroyed,
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 and the living standard
becomes
Wrong verb form
is becoming
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 low due
property
Change preposition
to property
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 price increases. To
summarize
Use the right word
summarise
show examples
, moving rural areas to big
cities
Use synonyms
 is good, which gives a plethora of
opportunities
Use synonyms
 to the
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
this
Linking Words
 movement creates many problems for local authorities in terms of inflation, and
destroy
Correct subject-verb agreement
destroys
show examples
 the
infrastructure
Use synonyms
 of
cities
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Make your introduction clearer by stating both reasons and your opinion more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and connects smoothly to the next paragraph.
task achievement
Ensure your examples are more relevant and linked directly to your main points to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the readability.
task achievement
You clearly present the reasons for migration and your opinion, which gives a good basis to your discussion.
task achievement
You have included statistics that support your point about young adults migrating for jobs, which adds credibility to your argument.
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