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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#development #expansion #supermarkets #countries #business #people #closure #death #communities
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It is argued that because of the development and fast expansion of supermarkets, small and local business are unable to compete in some countries and
this
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 situation causes to death of local communities. I completely agree with
this
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arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
.
First
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 of all, due to supermarkets' prices are cheaper
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then
Replace the word
than
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 the local shops the people naturally choose the supermarkets for shopping so small business groups can not develop. In almost every town there is an example
for
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation. While supermarkets' income increases the small shops' gain decreases one and other.
Finally
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
show examples
it influences local communities and causes the death of them.
Secondly
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,
c
Add an article
the
show examples
losure of local shops makes the dwellers of town move to another city or country because of financial reasons. And
then
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, the people of local communities lose their
neighboors
Correct your spelling
neighbours
, friends and loved ones.
For instance
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, if one family close their shops and move to another city somebody in that community starts to think about going somewhere else because there is nothing in the town that connect them to there. In my opinion, throughout years that brings the end of local communities. In conclusion, losing their jobs and loved ones
subsequentialy
Correct your spelling
subsequently
 lowers the attachment between a person and his/
hers
Change the pronoun
her
show examples
 community.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it brings the death of local communities.
Submitted by hareozel on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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