Some people think that in order to produce a happy society, it is necessary to ensure that there is only a small difference between the earnings of the richest and poorest. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many

people

Use synonyms

believe that closing the pay gap between the rich and the poor makes a better society. I strongly disagree with the previous statement. In my opinion,

this

Linking Words

is an impractical solution, as it cannot be applied in real life.

To begin

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with, not all

people

Use synonyms

come from the same background. There are some individuals who were able to get a decent education, others who were not offered

this

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chance and those who decided to drop out at a certain point

Change preposition

show examples

their lives.

For example

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, statistics have proven that a person who graduated from college with a

bachelor

Change noun form

bachelor's

show examples

degree

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

better job prospects and may earn more than that who decided not to continue higher education.

Therefore

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, it may not sound logical to call for

Remove the article

apply

show examples

equal pay for those who completed a degree with those who dropped out of college.

However

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, there are several ways in which societies could be improved .

Firstly

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, Enhancing public services

such

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as transportation, healthcare and education, can greatly provide a better quality of life for many

people

Use synonyms

Secondly

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, many freshly graduated students struggle with finding jobs as soon as they leave

universities

Fix the agreement mistake

university

show examples

. Providing career opportunities might have a positive impact on their lives and feel satisfied

as a result

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Finally

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, reducing crime rates is a major step towards building a stable society. If crimes were reduced and criminals were penalized,

people

Use synonyms

would feel safe and content. In conclusion, despite the fact that minimizing the difference in earnings between

people

Use synonyms

may seem Like a simple and straightforward answer, it is not practical and fair.

Submitted by reemmagdysherif on Fri Oct 23 2020

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task response

Well done on presenting your opinion clearly throughout the essay. Remember to provide a stronger justification for your stance on the topic.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Try to ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs for better coherence.

task response

You effectively argued against the idea of equal earnings for all despite the pay gap. Good job in providing examples to support your points.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which help in presenting your ideas logically.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

262 words

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Some people think that in order to produce a happy society, it is necessary to ensure that there is only a small difference between the earnings of the richest and poorest. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that managers alone should make decisions in the company, while others thing that employee should be involved in the decision-making process too. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many cities are replacing cars with bicycles. What are the reasons for this? Which do you think is better?

In the opinion of some people, internet has narrowed the gap among people in the world by increasing social interaction. To what extent do you agree/disagree with this view?