IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Children today have more responsibilities than the past. Some people think it has positive effects than negative ones while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#children #responsibilities #people #effects #ones
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Nowadays youngsters have additional responsibilities compared to
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the
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ast. Some argued that it has a positive development rather than
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a
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egative outcome and others think the opposite. In my opinion
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,
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it has
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a
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it of both throughout
this
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 essay I will explain why. In
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the
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odern world
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,
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children have been more responsible than past have a good outcome because it
encourage
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encourages
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 them to be independent. In many countries by age of 15 or 16 young adults have part-time jobs to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 most of their needs. So they don’t have to depend on
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their
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arents.
As a result
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 of
this
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 society will have self-confident adults.
For example
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, my cousin who lives America started his career at
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ery young age and with his experiences opened his own café when he was 23.
Thus
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, young adults been extra responsible has a positive growth because it helps them to be self-standing adults in the future.
On the other hand
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, children having additional liabilities at
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ery young stage have negative development since it might affect their mental health.
Few
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A few
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 decades back we have
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reedom to enjoy our childhood to the fullest. We did not take any authority when we were young. But these days because of not having a proper childhood experience young generation suffering from depression and other mental health issues.
For instance
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, a survey done in London University found out that 75%
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children suffering from various mental disease due to not having better boyhood/girlhood.
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, been responsible at
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an
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arly age have negative growth as it
affect
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affects
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 little ones physiological health. To sum up, even though young adults growing up with many responsibilities have some positive effect
such
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 as been independent and self-confident, there is a risk of creating a mental illness at
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a
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ater stage of their lives.
Submitted by shalithfdo on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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