An increasing amount of people are emigrating from third world to western countries to fill openings in special job fields like engineering, computing, and medicine. Some think that by encouraging this immigration, rich countries are stealing from the poor. Others feel that this is only a natural movement. Explain your opinion and why.

The leakage of talent to developed
countries
has always been a concern for developing
countries
, as
this
hinders their development. In light of
this
, some people
claim
that
this
kind of
emigration
is a dishonourable theft.
Although
the passage sympathises with their stance, their
claim
is mistakenly based on the preassumption that citizens are the property of a
country
. Many advocates of stopping the
loss
of talents have not realised that their
claim
views individuals as the exclusive property of a
country
, and based on
this
, people's
emigration
for a better life is seen as the
loss
of the
country
. The
last
well-known supporter of
this
opinion was notorious Hitler, who arbitrarily dictated that the mature Germans must not leave Germany as they were the "fuel" of the nation.
Consequently
, those scientists who had achieved foreign nationality were criticised as betrayers, and the
countries
these scientists flew into were proclaimed as "burglars". In virtue of
this
,
although
the opinion is ostensibly out of concern about the motherland, it desperately lacks respect for individuals' right to obtain their own happiness. When recalling the aftermath of Hitler's cruelty, it is hard to believe that anyone would still side with the
claim
that volunteer
emigration
is a kind of theft.
However
, the passage does not intend to urge the developing
countries
that are suffering from the
loss
of talent to be gradually accustomed to the reality.
On the contrary
, they ought to actively endeavour to stop the trend, not by seeing those destination
countries
as enemies but as models. Since domestic intellectuals are attracted by specific characteristics of developed
countries
, governments can provide similar conditions to them, which when complemented by patriotism, can yield uplifting results. One compelling example is seen in Japan, where the continued
loss
of intellectuals was slowed down by the government's "Talent Plan". The plan would offer qualified engineers or medical practitioners, who were in desperate need in
then
Japan, with a free apartment and healthcare. In summary, the passage does not agree with the conduct of
countries
to deem talents as mere national property
,
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and
furthermore
criticises
emigration
.
Instead
, these
countries
should endeavour to provide better conditions for intellectuals, contriving to balance between human rights and the development of a
country
.
Submitted by hx88375757 on

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task achievement
To enhance task response, consider developing each argument with additional specific examples and data to strengthen the claims.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the transitions between the main ideas are smooth and explicitly stated to improve coherence.
introduction
The introduction clearly outlines the two opposing perspectives and states a clear opinion.
conclusion
The essay contains a structured conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the opinion stated.
relevant examples
There are relevant examples, such as the historical reference to Hitler and the example of Japan, which help in illustrating the points made.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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