IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree?

#people #media #coverage #celebrities #effect #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, it is often argued that famous on-screen personalities create pessimistic children's behaviour. The dynamics of media have changed over time, which has lead to extensive
coverage
Use synonyms
 of celebrities' whole lifestyles. I partially agree that media
coverage
Use synonyms
 is deteriorating the pupil's personal and social
life
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
 due to the wide
coverage
Use synonyms
 of these movie stars on videos and media channels, children admire these celebrities as role models. Children like to follow the living dressing, eating styles of their
favourite
Use synonyms
 stars. In order to follow these styles, offspring sometimes indulge in activities
such
Linking Words
 as smoking, drinking, consumption of drugs.
Such
Linking Words
 actions are part of famous showbiz's
life
Use synonyms
, so kids see it and adapt it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these imitation does not stop only on these eating and drinking habits, rather goes beyond to adopt their
life
Use synonyms
 decision making styles. Adopting
life
Use synonyms
-threatening decisions of the
favourite
Use synonyms
 stars
such
Linking Words
 as suicide and indulging in drug abuse misguide the children and could be harmful to their
life
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, not all activities of
Use synonyms
f
Add an article
the
show examples
avourite stars are unacceptable. Many
favourite
Use synonyms
 stars do charity events and help the poor and needy people in society. Media
coverage
Use synonyms
 of these activities shows humanity in these people, which certainly be admired by offspring. Celebrities communicating insightful and inspirational thoughts can lead children to implement the same in their
life
Use synonyms
. In recent years, there was huge destruction due to heavy rainfall and floods in several towns in India. During these times, many celebrities gave a substantial amount in flood relief funds to help the affected farmers and poor people. To conclude, it is undeniable that the children follow and adopt their
favourite
Use synonyms
 stars regardless of their ethical and evil actions. We can not put full control over the children's behaviour influenced by celebrities;
however
Linking Words
, we can avoid negative actions and harmful decisions. It is the equal responsibility of parents to put control on children's access to media and the Media censor's duty to give limited
coverage
Use synonyms
 to unethical and immoral actions.
Submitted by tsboparai8821 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Celebrity culture
  • Glamorization
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Self-esteem
  • Scandals
  • Role models
  • Moral development
  • Mental health
  • Influence
  • Exposure
  • Social media platforms
  • Charity work
  • Inappropriate behavior
  • Perfection image
  • Negative impact
  • Inspire children
What to do next:
Look at other essays: