IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime is a direct influence of the increase in violence in media. To what extent do you agree with the above statement?

#crime #influence #violence #media
There is currently a contentious argument over whether crimes committed by youngers have a straight connection to risen
criminality
 numbers in general or not. I totally agree that younger criminals have a direct
contributing
Replace the word
contributor
show examples
 to the average numbers in a country.
Firstly
, young infractors commit crimes in order to survive. Generally, most parts of these type of criminals tend to be alone in their lives which means that they do not have any support from the state.
Therefore
, if they do not commit crimes to get a feed or for clothing purposes,
for example
, they will not have any prospects in their lives.
Thus
, as they do not have an option, these criminals continue into criminal life until they reach the adult age that contributes to the average of
criminality
.
Secondly
, most prison system around the world is failing. There is no incentive to the youngsters who are put behind the bars, most of them back to criminal life when released from the jail owing to the fact that they are not able to find a job or chance in returning to the school since they had wasted
such
 a long time in jail with no work experience available or education. As a consequence, these individuals still being criminals when they are back to the society leading them to contribute to the general numbers when it comes to
criminality
. In conclusion, both reasons showed above why youngers criminals had contributed to the increase of the
criminality
 in the
last
 few years which make me feel comfortable totally agree with the statement.
Submitted by Marcel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: