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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Social media helps people to keep in touch with friends and stay on top of news and events. Do you think the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #people #touch #friends #news #events
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In the
last
 decade, it has been extremely difficult for
people
 to meet someone.
However
, these days, with the development of social
media
, all of us can keep in touch with friends and update top of news and events easily. In my opinion, I assume that the pros of social
media
 outweigh the cons
due to
 social
media
 not only saves time but
also
 helps humanity become better and more quickly.
To begin
 with, there are two reasons why the benefits of social
media
 outweigh the drawbacks. First of all,
instead
 of spending a lot of time meeting friends face to face,
people
 can contact their partners more conveniently and quickly.
For example
, during the COVID-19 pandemic, everyone cannot go out,
therefore
, using social
media
 is the only way to contact each other.
Moreover
, in the past, meeting
people
 in different nations was very hard,
nevertheless
, these days, it become easier.
Secondly
, social
media
also
 helps someone in emergency cases. Because it always updates top news, some individuals who stay in emergency cases may have a chance to help.
On the other hand
, social
media
 have some drawbacks
according to
 some
people
.
Firstly
, the relationship between two
people
 may break up.
Due to
 a lack of communication offline, it is so difficult to get close relationships or break up.
In addition
, social
media
also
 brings some negative problems about identity theft.
People
 who use social
media
 will provide their personal information. If they do not check and secure, someone could have stolen your personal information and racked up debts or committed fraud- all with your name on it. In conclusion, I think that the advantages of social
media
 outweigh the disadvantages
according to
 the convenience and quickly of social
media
.
However
, customer needs to use it carefully, unless their information is stolen.
Submitted by nguyenhoanganhquan918 on

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relevant specific examples
Aim to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, instead of broadly mentioning emergency cases, try to give a concrete example of how social media was used in a specific scenario.
advice
Be careful with grammar and word choice to avoid small inaccuracies that could slightly affect clarity. For instance, improve the phrasing in sentences like 'using social media is the only way to contact each other' by saying 'using social media became the primary way for people to stay in touch'.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets the context for the discussion and clearly states your position.
logical structure
Your main points are logically structured and supported, making your argument convincing overall.
complete response
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of social media, providing a balanced view before concluding with a personal opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instantaneous communication
  • geographical barriers
  • information hub
  • breaking news
  • educational content
  • professional networking
  • industry experts
  • community support
  • privacy infringement
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • mental wellbeing
  • social comparison
  • online validation
  • cyberbullying
  • detriments
  • vulnerable individuals
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