IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the governments should give financial support to artists, musicians and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #governments #support #artists #musicians #poets #waste #money
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Nowadays, some people argue that the authorities should
do
Verb problem
provide
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial support to
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 related to
art
Use synonyms
 like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 painters, actors’
poet
Fix the agreement mistake
poets
show examples
 and musicians. Others think that
government
Use synonyms
 bodies should take care of them. I believe that the
plethora
Correct article usage
a plethora
show examples
 of things which can be improved by investing in the
art
Use synonyms
 sector. On the one hand, giving financial support to an artist from the
government
Use synonyms
 can be beneficial for the
country
Use synonyms
 because the artist is only a person who represents the
country
Use synonyms
 with low inputs and obtains huge outcomes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the economy of the
country
Use synonyms
 will grow because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 local
art
Use synonyms
 their cultural values
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
which attract foreign people.
Hence
Linking Words
, the tourism industry will
boost
Wrong verb form
be boosted
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, the Pakistan
government
Use synonyms
 encourage filmmakers
for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
drams
Correct your spelling
dramas
show examples
 and films which shows how beautiful
this
Linking Words
country
Use synonyms
 which helps in the increase in tourism.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some people who have an opposite viewpoint and they think that the
government
Use synonyms
 should spend money on other issues and provide basic necessities to their residents
such
Linking Words
 as drinkable water, education and health care,
instead
Linking Words
 of
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 artists.
In addition
Linking Words
, especially those developing
countries
Use synonyms
 should give more importance to economic growth and reduce crime and terrorist activities.
For instance
Linking Words
, African
countries
Use synonyms
 have a high crime rate and they spend a huge part of the budget on security and
decline
Replace the word
a declining
show examples
 crime rate. I think the
government
Use synonyms
 should promote an artist and their
art
Use synonyms
 because they give benefits in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
terms
Fix the agreement mistake
term
show examples
 and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the artists play a vital role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
’s economic stabilization and build a
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 other
countries
Use synonyms
 by sharing cultural
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
. In conclusion, the financial aid to artists is necessary by authorities
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 a kind of appreciation and
also
Linking Words
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 benefits for the
country
Use synonyms
 in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of cultural trade with other
countries
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by owais Mirza on

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coherence cohesion
Work on refining your paragraph transitions to enhance the logical flow between arguments. This will improve the overall cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are thoroughly supported with examples or explanations. Strengthen your arguments with more detailed evidence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but try to summarize the main points more clearly in the conclusion to reinforce your stance.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the topic and provides a balanced view of the issue.
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, discussing both perspectives effectively.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the mention of Pakistan's encouragement of filmmakers, enrich the discussion and make the points more concrete.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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