IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Smoking should be banned in public areas. Do you agree or disagree?

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Whether smoking in public places like restaurants and cafes should be totally prohibited or not, has become a fervent debate. I strongly agree with the notion of banning it in
such
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 places.
This
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 essay aims to explore the reasons behind my belief.
Firstly
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, the more a behaviour is seen in society, the more it is going to be followed by the younger generation. It’s the ultimate goal of every government to develop good habits to have a mentally and physically healthy nation. Like a smoking father who does not smoke in front of his kids to be a good role model for them, every government has to exhibit good patterns in public areas.
Secondly
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, smoking kills. Everybody knows it’s injurious to health and mind, but not everybody is able to control their habits, even though it is a harmful one. So, by forbidding it in public by establishing laws against it,
this
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 wrong behaviour will be diminished and
also
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 the non-smokers’ privacy will not be intruded and their health won’t be endangered, since it has been proved that smoking is as harmful to second-hand smokers as it is for the smokers themselves.
To conclude
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,
this
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 bad habit has to be controlled and limited by the ones in charge, because smoking is the main cause of a lot of diseases and deaths, and it is the primary goal of the governments to resist escalating bad habits and prepare a healthy environment for every individual.
Submitted by faranakasadzadian on

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task achievement
To further enhance your task response, consider including more detailed and varied examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, specific statistics or case studies related to the decline of smoking rates in areas where it is banned can add weight to your claims.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to connect each paragraph clearly to your thesis statement. While your essay has a logical flow, slightly more effort could be made to ensure seamless paragraph transitions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue right from the introduction, which effectively sets the stage for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, successfully fulfilling one of the key requirements for a high score in cohesion.
task achievement
You make effective use of general examples to support your arguments, such as referencing the public influence on the younger generation and second-hand smoke effects.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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