IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree? What are some other reasons why people may stay?

There might be several reasons which can motivate
employees
Use synonyms
 to stay in the same
company
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. There is
statement
Add an article
a statement
the statement
show examples
 that said money is the main reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
employees
Use synonyms
 stay. I
totaly
Correct your spelling
totally
 disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as there might be another reason which
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 an employee to retain in the same organization, it might be the development opportunities and
work-life
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balance
Use synonyms
 that the
company
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offered
Wrong verb form
offers
show examples
.
Employees
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 are not completely satisfied with just monetary rewards as
majority
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the majority
a majority
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 of them feel more satisfied if they are offered skills development opportunities.
This
Linking Words
 is because by
keep
Verb problem
apply
show examples
upgrading themselves to become better, they will not feel bored or stuck in the
company
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 as they keep
learn
Change the form of the verb
learning
show examples
 new things. For
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
show examples
, many companies these days
such
Linking Words
 as Google
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
keep offering their staff
to go
Verb problem
apply
show examples
training which eventually will help them to develop new skills.
This
Linking Words
 will make the staff feel they have
increases
Change the verb form
increased
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 their own value and feel content with their employers which can reduce turnovers.
Work-life
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balance
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 an important factor for
employees
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 to be loyal to their employers.
As having
Change preposition
Having
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 a
balance
Use synonyms
 between working and personal time will cause less burnout. Not only that, it can help to improve the staff's performance but
also
Linking Words
 reduce turnover rate.
For example
Linking Words
, it was found that
employees
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 who have unpredictable working hours
such
Linking Words
 as working overtime will feel more likely to resign.
This
Linking Words
 is because
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of the workers these days feel that having
Use synonyms
work-life
Correct article usage
a work-life
show examples
balance
Use synonyms
as
Add a missing verb
is as
show examples
 important as having good pay especially, Gen Z who prefers organizations that provide
work-life
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balance
Use synonyms
 rather than good
pays
Fix the agreement mistake
pay
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, money is not the first reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 will choose to work in the same
company
Use synonyms
 for a long period. It is the development
oppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 and the
work-life
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balance
Use synonyms
 that are
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 things that people
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
 to stay.

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Task Achievement
The essay lacks a clear introductory sentence that specifically addresses the topic. Try to begin with a sentence that directly responds to the question and clearly states your opinion.
Task Achievement
Make sure all of your main points are developed with relevant examples or evidence. For instance, when discussing companies like Google providing staff training, consider including specific programs or statistics to strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a logical structure by using paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and supporting sentences related to that idea.
Task Achievement
Your essay would benefit from a more emphatic conclusion that restates your disagreement with the statement and concisely summarizes the alternative reasons you've presented.
Coherence & Cohesion
Using a range of linking words can help to improve the cohesiveness of your essay. While some linking words have been used, there could be a more varied use of them to show the relationship between ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fulfillment
  • employee retention
  • professional development
  • telecommuting
  • competitive salary
  • health benefits
  • retirement plans
  • supportive management
  • workplace satisfaction
  • loyalty
  • job security
  • employee turnover
  • personal values
  • career ladder
  • workplace dynamics
  • loyal to an employer
What to do next:
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