There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree? What are some other reasons why people may stay?

There might be several reasons which can motivate
employees
to stay in the same
company
. There is
statement
Add an article
a statement
the statement
show examples
that said money is the main reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
employees
stay. I
totaly
Correct your spelling
totally
disagree with
this
statement as there might be another reason which
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
an employee to retain in the same organization, it might be the development opportunities and
work-life
balance
that the
company
offered
Wrong verb form
offers
show examples
.
Employees
are not completely satisfied with just monetary rewards as
majority
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the majority
a majority
show examples
of them feel more satisfied if they are offered skills development opportunities.
This
is because by
keep
Verb problem
apply
show examples
upgrading themselves to become better, they will not feel bored or stuck in the
company
as they keep
learn
Change the form of the verb
learning
show examples
new things. For
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
show examples
, many companies these days
such
as Google
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
keep offering their staff
to go
Verb problem
apply
show examples
training which eventually will help them to develop new skills.
This
will make the staff feel they have
increases
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increased
show examples
their own value and feel content with their employers which can reduce turnovers.
Work-life
balance
is
also
an important factor for
employees
to be loyal to their employers.
As having
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Having
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a
balance
between working and personal time will cause less burnout. Not only that, it can help to improve the staff's performance but
also
reduce turnover rate.
For example
, it was found that
employees
who have unpredictable working hours
such
as working overtime will feel more likely to resign.
This
is because
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
of the workers these days feel that having
work-life
Correct article usage
a work-life
show examples
balance
as
Add a missing verb
is as
show examples
important as having good pay especially, Gen Z who prefers organizations that provide
work-life
balance
rather than good
pays
Fix the agreement mistake
pay
show examples
.
To conclude
, money is not the first reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
will choose to work in the same
company
for a long period. It is the development
oppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
and the
work-life
balance
that are
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
things that people
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
to stay.
Submitted by lavenia34808 on

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Task Achievement
The essay lacks a clear introductory sentence that specifically addresses the topic. Try to begin with a sentence that directly responds to the question and clearly states your opinion.
Task Achievement
Make sure all of your main points are developed with relevant examples or evidence. For instance, when discussing companies like Google providing staff training, consider including specific programs or statistics to strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a logical structure by using paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and supporting sentences related to that idea.
Task Achievement
Your essay would benefit from a more emphatic conclusion that restates your disagreement with the statement and concisely summarizes the alternative reasons you've presented.
Coherence & Cohesion
Using a range of linking words can help to improve the cohesiveness of your essay. While some linking words have been used, there could be a more varied use of them to show the relationship between ideas.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fulfillment
  • employee retention
  • professional development
  • telecommuting
  • competitive salary
  • health benefits
  • retirement plans
  • supportive management
  • workplace satisfaction
  • loyalty
  • job security
  • employee turnover
  • personal values
  • career ladder
  • workplace dynamics
  • loyal to an employer
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