IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some individuals say that young people should work while in school, while others frown at this.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Certain persons believe that teens should take up jobs while they school as it affords some of them the privilege to gain experience.Others are of the opinion that
this
Linking Words
 will put a lot of strain on them.My view is that teens should
work
Use synonyms
 alongside
with
Verify preposition usage
apply
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their studies. On one hand,it affords them the privilege to gain experience.When young people
work
Use synonyms
 alongside schooling,it enables them to acquire skills that will be useful when they finish school eventually.
Such
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 skills like fashion designing,
shoe making
Correct your spelling
shoemaking
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, computer training and etc learned will be fully utilised in the future when
white collar
Add a hyphen
white-collar
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 jobs are not
forth coming
Correct your spelling
forthcoming
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.
For instance
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,a recent article in New York magazine on teenagers and
work
Use synonyms
 reports that 70% of young people who worked while in higher institution performed better in their various jobs when they finished school as compared to those that schooled alone.
On the other hand
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, allowing teens
Use synonyms
w
Add the particle
to
show examples
ork while they are schooling will put some of them under a lot of strain.Students have different capacities.Some have
Add an article
a
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high stress
Add a hyphen
high-stress
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 threshold while others have
low stress
Add a hyphen
low-stress
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 threshold.
Therefore
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, combining
work
Use synonyms
 and study for these teens put them under undue pressure which might
subsequently
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 lead to mental or physical breakdown thereby affecting their academics.To illustrate,l read a recent article published by the American Psychiatry Association which reveals that depression is prevalent among teenagers who
work
Use synonyms
 and study at the same time
as a result
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 of accumulated stress. In my opinion, teens should be encouraged to take up
work
Use synonyms
 while they study in order to gain experience.
Also
Linking Words
,it reduces the financial burden on their parents and allows them
l
Add the particle
to
show examples
earn how to manage both human n material resources.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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