IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The average age for individuals to give birth is increasing. Some people think that it will have negative impact on family and country. What is your opinion about this?

These days,
people
Use synonyms
 are opting to have children at older ages as compared to the past. There are various reasons for
this
Linking Words
 trend including younger
people
Use synonyms
 pursuing higher degrees and expensive behaviour. I have a vehement view that it is having detrimental effects on the
families
Use synonyms
 and the countries as well. The primary reason for
people
Use synonyms
 to have children later is that many
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays are struggling to get higher qualifications because of the harsh competition in the job market.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they are taking more time to settle and start their
families
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, in the USA, it has become crucial for almost everyone to get at least a Master’s degree in order to get employed in a well-reputed organization.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are spending more time in universities to secure their future and
families
Use synonyms
 have become a second priority
that is
Linking Words
 actual assets for us. Another reason for
this
Linking Words
 problem is that
people
Use synonyms
 are preferring an expensive lifestyle.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, owning a luxury car and branded items
are demanding
Wrong verb form
demands
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to struggle for these things and individuals are focusing more
to maintain
Change preposition
on maintaining
show examples
such
Linking Words
lifestyle
Correct article usage
a lifestyle
show examples
. It has changed the social perspective that money can be saved to live a luxurious life by having babies later which is resulting in a sharp decline in population in many
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 countries. Canada,
for instance
Linking Words
, is facing a shortage of young workers to support their ageing population and to maintain economic stability.
That is
Linking Words
 why they have started a number of immigration programs to attract
people
Use synonyms
 from overseas. In conclusion, obviously, the age of individuals to give birth is increasing on average.
This
Linking Words
 issue is emanating
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to obtain higher education before starting their
families
Use synonyms
 and luxury lifestyle. I strongly believe that it is having extremely adverse effects on
families
Use synonyms
 and many countries are facing population imbalances.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your main ideas are clearly connected in each paragraph. It helps the reader to follow your thoughts more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to organize your points better. This will make your essay flow better.
task achievement
Try to give more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Consider discussing both the negative and positive sides of having children later. This will show a more balanced view.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about the topic and state your points well.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction presents the topic clearly and gives a good overview of your main arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average age
  • give birth
  • increasing
  • negative impact
  • advantages
  • challenges
  • effects
  • family
  • country
  • older parents
  • financial stability
  • maturity
  • life experience
  • health risks
  • parenting skills
  • intergenerational relationships
  • future generations
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