IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

These days many families move abroad for work. Some people believe that this benefits the children in these families. Others believe that it makes their lives more difficult. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Recently, a lot of
families
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tend
Wrong verb form
have had
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 to move to another country to live. Some people think that it reflects positive effects on the
children
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 of these
families
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.
While
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 others believe it brings more harm than good, In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both perspectives and give my opinion. On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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families
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 can benefit from the country’s modern facilities. In developed countries,
children
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 receive free healthcare, education, sports clubs, and other services.
Therefore
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, they have the opportunity to live an easy, comfortable life.
For example
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, recent studies have proven that
children
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 whose parents migrated during their childhood succeed more because the resources and opportunities provided by migration can significantly enhance educational attainment.
Additionally
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, living abroad improves their social skills, moving abroad requires them to find new friends and build social networks.
This
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 process improves their social skills and confidence.
For instance
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, a recent study found that
children
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 who move internationally have better communication skills and are more adept at forming and maintaining relationships.
On the other hand
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, others believe that foreign
families
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 and
children
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 may suffer racial discrimination by the indigenous people and superior treatment. Thereby,
children
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 will grow with a stable sense of identity and belonging, which will impact their opportunities in their professional lives.
As a result
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, they won't succeed
while
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grow
Change the verb form
growing
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 up in a negative environment. To illustrate, a recent study shared the experience of African immigrants in Australia, parents reported the challenges their
children
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 face with racism that hinder their identity, opportunities, and well-being. In conclusion, I believe moving abroad has advantages and disadvantages, and
such
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 decisions should be taken with caution and awareness. So the
children
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 get basic social facilities to grow and protect them from the harm of racism and the obstacles they may face.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all sentences are as clear and concise as possible. Review some of your complex sentences and see if they can be simplified without losing meaning.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and avoid repetitive patterns, which can enhance the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
Address potential counterarguments to strengthen your position even further and show depth of thought.
task achievement
Provide clearer examples to support your argument, making sure they directly reflect the points you're making.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-constructed, providing a clear framing for your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives in a balanced way, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You provided specific examples and recent studies to support your arguments, which adds credibility.
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