Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree

In the present world, many promotion
advertisements
targeting
Wrong verb form
target
show examples
youngsters which
bring
Verb problem
have
show examples
adverse
Correct article usage
an adverse
show examples
impact on them. It is argued that those clips should not be accessible to
children
. I totally
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
that teenagers are better to stay away
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
those
advertisements
.
Firstly
, most of the promoting videos
are
Verb problem
apply
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mainly
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
on the selling points of their products and
ignoring
Wrong verb form
ignore
show examples
the dark sides that might negatively affect
children
's development.
For instance
, there are some Candies selling organic ingredients
properly
Correct pronoun usage
that properly
show examples
hidden
Wrong verb form
hide
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
fact that those candies
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
high sugar or sodium per piece.
This
misleading message, which
commonly
Add a missing verb
is commonly
show examples
used in advertising,
attract
Correct subject-verb agreement
attracts
show examples
youngsters to consume, and
then
unhealthy goods might affect
the
Change the word
their
show examples
growth and health condition
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Since young ages still have not acquired enough knowledge to distinguish the truth,
children
's advertising should be banned.
Secondly
, the technique applied to
advertisements
might build up the wrong concept for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young ages. Businessmen usually
combined
Wrong verb form
combine
show examples
their products with fabulous images and concepts to boost sales.
For example
,
Correct article usage
the toys
show examples
toys
Fix the agreement mistake
toy
show examples
business will combine their goods with materialistic and high social status as an attractive point to
tracker
Replace the word
track
show examples
customers'
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
show examples
to buy. Since
children
are
Verb problem
can
show examples
easily
accessed
Wrong verb form
access
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those
promotion
Replace the word
promotional
show examples
clips on TV, kids learn through these
association
Fix the agreement mistake
associations
show examples
from the
advertisements
and
build-up
Correct your spelling
build up
show examples
the wrong concept easily.
This
is harmful to the
children
by altering their proper attitude and manner that learnt from school. In conclusion,
advertisements
for
children
should be carefully regulated to prevent the kids
frommisunderstand
Correct your spelling
from misunderstanding
the messages. Parents
also
play an essential role as a firewall to ensure their
children
free
Add a missing verb
are free
show examples
from the numerous harmful messages.
Submitted by c.cyinsin on

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task response
Well done in addressing the task. You provided a clear opinion on the topic and supported it with relevant reasons and examples.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has good coherence and cohesion. Your ideas are well organized and supported with examples. Try to improve the link between paragraphs for smoother transitions.
task response
Clear opinion stated and supported with relevant reasons
coherence and cohesion
Well-structured essay with clear organization of ideas
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