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Band 5

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them continue with their work. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#artists #salaries #government #work
In
this
 competitive world, the majority of the
artists
 receive less income,
due to
 the fact that the arts are deprioritized activity in the nation. In order to support them, it is recommended that the government should support them financially for their survival. In my view, I completely disagree with
this
 opinion and will provide relevant information to support my decision in the forthcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
, arts are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
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cultural activities and treated under the luxurious category in the world.
Secondly
, it is
also
 opted
by
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for by
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very
Correct article usage
a very
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 minimal
per cent
Correct your spelling
percentage
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 of the population for their survival.
However
, government spending funds for
this
 kind of activities is not recommended, as there are more important and burning problems
exist
Correct pronoun usage
that exist
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 in society. To exemplify, health and education are
utmost
Correct article usage
the utmost
show examples
 important categories to be prioritized
,
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apply
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 so that the majority of the citizens under the poverty line can be treated with sophisticated medical facilities and valuable education. On the flip side,
artists
 can
horn
Verb problem
hone
show examples
 their skill sets in different magnitudes, so that the chances for the new opportunities will arise so that the income.
In addition
, our nation is indirectly supporting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artists
 in various areas by providing the right platforms to learn and sharpen their skills.
For example
, there is an artist in the Telugu film industry, who acquired multiple talents at the same time, like, singing, dancing, performing magic shows and basically, he is a comedian. To summarize, yes,
artists
 and encouragement
to
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of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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artistic cultures
is
Change the verb form
are
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 important to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. But, the government should not be burdened for taking care of the
artists
.
Instead
, the funds can be utilised for many more pressing problems that are existing in the society at present.
Submitted by eshwar10882 on

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task response
Improve task achievement by clearly stating your stance in the introduction and ensuring all body paragraphs contribute to the argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by using more cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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