IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries today, there are concerns about the unhealthy lifestyles that people lead. What health issues are linked to modern lifestyles? What answers to these problems can you suggest?

#countries #concerns #lifestyles #people #health #answers
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It is true that the number of citizens h
Add a pronoun
who
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ave
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has
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medical conditions are increasing rapidly these days due to their insufficient lifestyles.
Although
 there will be undoubtedly negative consequences of
this
 phenomenon, both individuals and government can take s
t
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a
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ep to mitigate these potential problems. As the lifestyle of residents nowadays is detrimental, several related problems can be anticipated. The main issue is that m
o
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the
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dern way of living is related directly to technology and people are expected to rely heavily on the internet and handheld devices, which entice them to be technology addiction. As a consequence, users tend to accompany with s
e
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a
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dentary lifestyle and could be discouraged from exercising regularly, results in the i
ncrease
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increased
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risk of obesity, heart disease or nearsightedness.
Furthermore
, because of the heavy workload, employees in recent years might encounter mental conditions
such
 as stress and anxiety. To be more specific, the overpopulation leads to t
he
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an
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increase in job competitiveness,
hence
 forcing l
aborers
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labourers
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to complete a
n enormous tasks
Correct the article-noun agreement
enormous tasks
an enormous task
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at works in order to maintain their career.
As a result
,
this
 will apply significant pressure on citizens as well as affect their health in l
o
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the
a
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ng-term period. There are several actions that residents and the administration might take to solve the problems described above.
Firstly
,
instead
 of spending time for laying, browsing w
e
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the
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b and using portable devices, individuals should focus on physical demand activities in order to improve general health and relieve from stress and anxiety.
For example
, l
e
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the
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isure time of workers should be utilized for outdoor activities or participating
e
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in
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xercising classes
such
 as cycling and painting, respectively.
Secondly
, the government may introduce specific regulations that reduce the workload t
hrough
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by
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decreasing population density by passing birth control privacy.
Consequently
,
this
 will alleviate the job competitiveness and pressure
that is
 put on l
aborers
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labourers
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in securing their necessities,
therefore
 their mental issues could be solved effectively. In conclusion, various measures can be taken to tackle the problems that are certain arise as the general health of modern people are experiencing a depletion due to current unhealthy lifestyles.
Submitted by Andy on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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