IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people work for the same organization all their life. Others think that it is better to work for different organization. Discuss both views and gives your opinion.

#people #work #organization #life
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
, the majority of people
incline
Change the form of the verb
inclined
show examples
 to stay at the same
place
 where they
work
 in , so its
tdebatable
Correct your spelling
debatable
 subject , some argue that it is the best for
one
's to found job in different employer rather than functioning for the same company for their whole life and other
oppese
Correct your spelling
oppose
this
 .
This
 essay will discuss both of views given ,
Moreover
Add a comma
,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will
ilustrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
 why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 completely agree with the
second
 view.
Firstly
 , it's
notable
Correct your spelling
not able
show examples
 to say that it is difficult to someone to alter the
place
 where he worked for
Replace the word
most
show examples
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 of his life due to many reasons , On
one
 hand
Add a comma
,
show examples
it's
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 that the human face difficulty to take a big
decsion
Correct your spelling
decision
 that may impact his
finicial
Correct your spelling
financial
 situation , because of
this
 fears ,it may be better to
remian
Correct your spelling
remain
 working in the same employer ,
for example
 , when someone leaves his job in the same organisation he had working in for 10 years with a good salary , he may not found the same chance with a good income in the other business owner .
On the other hand
 , there is a lack of function chances , so it is never been easy and simple to the person to find
other
Change the wording
another place
other places
show examples
place
 to
work
 in ,
for instance
 ,
one
 essay coming from university of oxford reported that 65%of employees who
leaved
Correct your spelling
left
show examples
 their
work
 couldn't find another convenient
work
. it is important to
one
's to maintain his job
In contrast
 ,The mostly tend to
thnik
Correct your spelling
think
rethink
 that it is better to look around and find the most
suiltable
Correct your spelling
suitable
place
 to
work
 in ,
first
 of all
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
there are a numerous number of people who get bored and inclines to change everything starting from the
place
 he started his duty in ,
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
 is a nature of human being , to get rid of routine , so
one
's wont stop
searchig
Correct your spelling
searching
 for
n
Add an article
a
the
show examples
ew
place
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
unless he feels interested and
belong
Change the verb form
belongs
show examples
 to the area ,
consequently
 many
reccomend
Correct your spelling
recommend
 to turn the area where he worked to conclude , it depends in the situation and convenience the
one
 looking for ,
this
 essay discussed why it is important to the person to change the organisation he
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 in . and it is better to
one
 to think and speculate before applying to
n
Add an article
a
the
show examples
ew step.
Submitted by y.ghorayed on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: