IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that the most important function of music is to help people relax. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #function #music
There is a belief that the most crucial role of
music
 is encouraging people to unwind. I strongly disagree with
this
 opinion because there are
such
 other
nonetheless
 functions as cheering people up when they are out of energy and connection them with each other. By listening to positive and inspiring
music
, people are likely ready to deal with all their aims and find the power to overcome themselves despite everything.
For example
, cheerful
music
 which is listened to by visitors at the gym raises people`s mood at once and gives them
s
Add an article
the
show examples
trength to continue training despite the tiredness.
Music
 both expresses and arouses the highest emotions in a way that helps us to finish the training. Not only vivacity
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 communication is the thing which
music
 is able to give people when they want to become acquainted with others. As the person listens to the same kind of
music
 as his new acquaintance, he can have common themes for
c
Add an article
a
show examples
onversation discussing musical preferences and
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 songs with others. When a person is keen on a certain
band
Correct your spelling
brand
show examples
, he can easily find friends with the help of
music
.
For example
,
last
 year, when I went to a concert
of
Verify preposition usage
by
show examples
 the famous band, which is called “Nerves”, I met there a girl who shared my
music
 interests. We had been talking for about two hours after the concert, found out that we had a lot in common and became good friends. It shows that
music
 has not only entertaining qualities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 communicative ones. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
music
 keeps several functions which are able to give a person strength to continue keeping fit and to help meet new people and become friends with them. If there were
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
music
 in our life, we would definitely miss important events which sometimes become crucial and significant for us.
Submitted by Nataliia Litovchenko on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: