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Writing Samples
Band 7

some people say that due to the growing number of unfit and overweight people sport should be made compulsory in all educational establishments. others claim that only voluntary decision to do sports help people to be fit, but compulsory physical education embarrasses and turns away students who don't like sport. give your opinion.

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Some
people
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 argue that
sport
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 should be compulsory in all educational institutions because the number of overweight and unhealthy
people
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 is increasing. Others believe that only voluntary participation in sports can improve fitness,
while
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 mandatory physical
education
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 may discourage
students
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 who dislike
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sport
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sports
show examples
.
This
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 essay will discuss both views before presenting my opinion. On the one hand, making
sport
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 compulsory can help improve public
health
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. Many
students
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 spend a large amount of time using electronic devices and engaging in sedentary
activities
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.
As a result
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, they may not
exercise
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 enough to maintain a healthy lifestyle. By requiring all
students
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 to participate in physical
activities
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, schools and universities can ensure that young
people
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exercise
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 regularly.
Furthermore
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,
sport
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 can teach important life skills
such
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 as teamwork, discipline, and perseverance, which are beneficial beyond physical
health
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.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe that forcing
students
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 to take part in sports is ineffective. Not everyone enjoys physical
activities
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, and some
students
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 may feel embarrassed about their fitness level, body shape, or athletic ability.
As a consequence
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, compulsory physical
education
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 could create negative feelings towards
exercise
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 rather than encouraging healthy habits. Supporters of
this
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 view argue that
students
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 are more likely to remain active throughout their lives if they choose
activities
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 that genuinely interest them. In my opinion, physical
education
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 should remain a compulsory part of
education
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, but schools should offer a wide variety of
activities
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 rather than focusing only on traditional team sports.
This
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 approach would allow
students
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 to find forms of
exercise
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 they enjoy
while
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 still ensuring that everyone receives the
health
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 benefits of regular physical activity. In conclusion,
although
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 compulsory
sport
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 may discourage some
students
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, I believe educational institutions should require physical activity because it promotes both physical
health
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 and personal development.
However
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,
students
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 should be given greater freedom to choose the type of
exercise
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 they participate in.

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task response
For task response, your answer is full and clear, but you can add one more real example to make your ideas stronger.
task response
For task response, your opinion is clear, but you can explain a little more why choice in sport helps students.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow. To make it better, use a few more linking words like 'for example' or 'because of this' in body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has one main idea, but some support can be more detailed.
task response
For task response, you answered both sides of the question and gave your own opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your ideas move in a logical order and are easy to understand.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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