IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this?

#countries #proportion #acts #teenagers
Nowadays, worldwide societies always
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 their concerns on
youth
 offenders as some criticized its root was caused by insufficient
care
 to teenagers. In order to combat
this
 problem,
a fully-addressed
Correct the article-noun agreement
fully-addressed youth programs
a fully-addressed youth program
show examples
youth
 programs should be introduced. Some
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 argued the high proportion of criminal acts should be related to
lackage
Correct your spelling
lack
leakage
package
 of parental
care
 and school guidance. Since some parents offer a high level of freedom, as well as showing their ignorance to their kids, and
thus
 the youngsters would try to get attention by breaking rules.
Such
 cases can be proved by scholars’ research, which demonstrated a higher risk for
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
juvenile criminals if they were born and rose in a single-parent family. Meanwhile, some school teachers only focus on academic performance rather than the
youth
’s ethical attitude.
Hence
, criminal acts by teenagers may not be corrected as soon as possible and even not be discovered. With respect to the solution for juvenile offenders, an introduction of all-rounded teenagers supporting programs would be indispensable. Some reported stated that the
youth
 committed to crime because of boredness and loneliness, they can be tackled by meaningful workshops and activities. In fact, many social workers “save”
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
potential young offenders by offering
care
 to them via some interesting and exciting
youth
 programs like dancing.
Moreover
, teenagers’ self-esteem and a positive attitude can be built throughout the learning process by following a role model in life. In conclusion,
h
Add an article
a
show examples
igh proportion of criminal acts of teenagers were triggered by insufficient
care
 from parents and school. If a
youth
 program can be launched,
this
 can probably serve as a vital solution for providing a positive message to the young generation, which can
changes
Change the verb form
change
show examples
 their entire life.
Submitted by winglovhe on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: