IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members how to be good members of society. Others, however believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is sometimes
arguing
Wrong verb form
argued
show examples
 that
children
Use synonyms
 should be taught to become a real member of civilization.
While
Linking Words
 a great number of people insist
whether
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 these are the permanent
obligation
Fix the agreement mistake
obligations
show examples
 of
schools
Use synonyms
 or
parents
Use synonyms
, I think that both have their unique impact on
children
Use synonyms
's nurturing.
To begin
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 with, it is true that
children
Use synonyms
 are the main expressions of their
parents
Use synonyms
. Since the child was born, the
parents
Use synonyms
 have received enormous duties, which
enforce
Verb problem
force
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 them to provide the child with any suitable condition for its
overall
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 development.
Subsequently
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, the
children
Use synonyms
's upbringing wholly depends on
parents
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.
Moreover
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, it is
also
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 important that
parents
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 do everything to help their
children
Use synonyms
 to integrate into
society
Use synonyms
 properly, without any
suspects
Replace the word
suspicion
show examples
 that
children
Use synonyms
 can neglect the imposed rules of the community. Youngsters, in fact, are more likely to be involved in the crime committed and abolish the family reputation in
society
Use synonyms
 because of the absence of parental monitoring in their lives.
Thus
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adults need to
preserve
Verb problem
protect
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 their
children
Use synonyms
 from
unhealthy
Correct article usage
the unhealthy
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 influence of some external powers in order to guarantee the safety of both
children
Use synonyms
 and
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
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 community.
On the other hand
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,
schools
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 responsible for
children
Use synonyms
's growth as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productive
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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 of
society
Use synonyms
. It may seem that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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education is the prime goal that
schools
Use synonyms
 and other institutions pursue, but the reality is that they are able to provide schoolchildren and students with practical skills essential for being
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 part of our modern community. Sociology,
for instance
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, is one of the compulsory subjects, which
children
Use synonyms
 need to investigate during their studies at school or even college. The main principle of
this
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 subject is to clarify the abstract meanings of some elements and rules of
society
Use synonyms
. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
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present
Correct subject-verb agreement
presents
show examples
 the way in which our
society
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
evolved and even how the values and customs of our ancestors were changed
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 decades.
Nevertheless
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sociology has
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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become an indispensable aspect of the educational system.
To conclude
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,
Although
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 the
parents
Use synonyms
 and
schools
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 have different roles to play
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's lives, I hope that they will be no less pivotal in the future.

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Structure
Ensure your essay has clear topic sentences for every paragraph. They help the reader follow your line of thought with ease.
Language
Avoid repetitive sentences or phrases. For example, 'how to be good members how to be good members of society'. It disrupts the flow of your essay.
Language
Be mindful of your vocabulary choice. Some words like 'arguing' should have been 'argued' in your context. Proper usage enhances clarity.
Language
Correct inappropriate usage of words. For example, 'it is also present' should be replaced with 'it also presents'.
Language
Ensure to use determiners correctly, for example, 'the sociology' should be 'sociology'.
Content
Make sure every sentence adds value to your argument. 'I hope that they will be no less pivotal in the future.' doesn't add much to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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