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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects, in addition to their main subjects. other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. discuss both these wheels and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, a number of university students are willing to learn about other majors,
in addition
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 to their main subject. Others think the most necessary thing is to concentrate merely on getting a related qualification.
This
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 essay will discuss both these views before presenting my own. On
one
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 hand, being sophisticated in varied areas of knowledge can provide more job opportunities for individuals. In the modern world, being skilful in
one
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 major is not adequate anymore. For
high-level
Correct article usage
a high-level
show examples
 occupation, you must prove that your education includes various kinds of experts.
For example
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, most of the marketing companies are now looking for versatile employees. People who have economic or management degrees,
besides
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 the talent in sociology and computer skills.
Accordingly
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, a student who has trained in more than
one
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 field can find their way to the job market easier.
Furthermore
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, the university should be more about learning than a paper qualification.
Therefore
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, limiting student’s creativity couldn’t be a solution. In countries with developing educational systems, people instructed to be beneficial by being multitasking.
On the other hand
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, concentrating on more than
one
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 field can reduce the chance of getting a diploma.
Due to
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 the fact that it takes a lot of time;
subsequently
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, you may lose everything together.
Moreover
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, some argue that becoming an expert in
one
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 career is much better than being an ordinary workforce in a couple of faculty. Like the old generation, who were trained for
one
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 vocation only. In conclusion, I believe that it is crucial for students to be multitasking until they ensure that they can manage all of these duties together and secure their qualifications.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strongly support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on refining sentence structures to improve clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Expand on how multitasking in education can directly link to real-world applications and success.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views on the topic, which is a strong point in achieving task response.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of the essay are clear and appropriately summarize and present the main points.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical structure to the essay, with each paragraph covering specific aspects of the topic.
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