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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Advantages and disadvantages of living in dormitory on university campus

#dormitory #university #campus
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New
students
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are often ponder
Change the verb form
often ponder
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 on choosing a place to stay.
However
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe that living in
Use synonyms
dormitory
Add an article
a dormitory
show examples
 on
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university
Add an article
a university
the university
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campus
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 is
good
Add an article
a good
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 option.
Although
Linking Words
 living
dormitory
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
campus
Use synonyms
 brings some benefits,
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 drawbacks are more significant. Living in
Use synonyms
dormitory
Add an article
a dormitory
the dormitory
show examples
 in three main aspects.First of all,
afer
Correct your spelling
after
 entering college, year 1
students
Use synonyms
many
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 feel
worry
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worried
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 about
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 new college life.Finding new friends is one of the best ways to adapt to life in a new environment.And from there,we have more friends and new
relationship
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relationships
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,
also
Linking Words
 a good opportunity to improve communication skills.Second,it
to
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is to
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 learn
independent
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independence
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 and manage without
with
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apply
show examples
parents.Doing everything by yourself and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 care
about
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of
show examples
 yourself.
However
Linking Words
,you will not be alone, at least
yours
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your
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roomates
Correct your spelling
roommates
 will help you when you need it,when you
sick
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are sick
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 or in an emergency.
Finally
Linking Words
 ,living in
Use synonyms
dormitory
Add an article
a dormitory
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
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campus
Use synonyms
 would
students
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spend
Fix the infinitive
to spend
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 time
on study
Wrong verb form
studying
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.Because,
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campus
Add an article
the campus
show examples
 would be
convenient
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a convenient
the convenient
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: library, equipment for learning
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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If
you
Add a verb
you are
you were
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 not clear on the lecture,you
will
Verb problem
apply
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can ask
teacher
Add an article
a teacher
the teacher
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 or other
students
Use synonyms
 in the
dormitory
Use synonyms
Besides
Linking Words
,living in
Use synonyms
dormitory
Correct article usage
a dormitory
show examples
also
Linking Words
disadvantages
Add a missing verb
has disadvantages
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.Because of the collective activity
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
noise and confusion
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 unavoidable .Not everyone has the same schedule of activities,so there will be
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 when you feel annoyed and want to be alone.
Not to mention
Linking Words
 the time to focus , especially during exam season. In conclusion,living in
Use synonyms
dormitory
Add an article
a dormitory
show examples
 on
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university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
campus
Use synonyms
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 good training to
standing
Change the verb form
stand
show examples
 on
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own feet in the future
Submitted by Andy on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure, making it difficult to follow the arguments. Introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement. The main points are not well developed and lack proper support.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address the topic, but it lacks depth and development. The arguments need to be clearer and more detailed. Expand on the advantages and disadvantages of living in a dormitory on a university campus with specific examples and a balanced discussion of both sides.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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