IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Many high school students take part time jobs. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#school #students #part #time #jobs
It has become apparent in recent years that many students have
p
Add an article
the
a
show examples
art-
time
job
. In general, there is some evidence to suggest that there are both positive and negative aspects concerning
this
 issue. I
Add a verb
am
was
show examples
sure that high
school
 students need
in
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
part-
time
 jobs. Let us look at the advantages and disadvantages of
this
 question.
First
, there is no doubt that part-
time
job
 helps students be
independed
Correct your spelling
independent
. They can have pocket
money
 and they do not need to ask their parents.
Second
, students learned
work
 and earn
money
, so they begin to respect
w
Add an article
the
show examples
ork of other people.
Also
, high
school
 students can find their profession. And they will finish their high
school
 will be knowing
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 they want to
work
 for. At the same
time
Add a comma
,
show examples
part-
time
 jobs
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 negative point. They may be worse at
school
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they do not have free
time
. So, they can do bad homework.
Also
, students do not have free
time
 for communication with their friends. Students need to play sport and lack of
time
 can interfere. When I was a high
school
 student I had
Add an article
an
the
show examples
apart-
Correct your spelling
a part-time
show examples
time
job
. I helped my parents and get some
money
, so
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 could spend
money
 on my hobbies. In conclusion, I would like to highlight that even though there are different positive and negative aspects regarding part-
time
 jobs of students, I am sure that benefits
p
Add an article
the
show examples
art-
time
job
 of students outdo the drawbacks. The main thing is to find a balance between
work
 and study.
Submitted by mila.kniaz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: