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Band 5.5

It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with their parents . Do you agree or disagree ?

#college #students #schools #home #parents
College
 is an important part of any student's
life
. Often
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
college
students
 have to live in a
hostel
 till
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
graduation
is completed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
, away from home and
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
. I agree that pupils must consider living in school rather than at home.
Because
Correct word choice
Hostel
show examples
hostel
life
 teaches some bitter
life
 lessons which one cannot even experience in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 homely environment.
Firstly
, the
students
 are mostly teenagers when they enter
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
college
 and at
this
 crucial
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
 they
also
require
Wrong verb form
required
show examples
 to learn practical things
along with
theoretical
Correct pronoun usage
theoretical ones
show examples
.
For instance
,
students
 have to manage everything from clothing to
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
luxuries from a fixed income.
This
 management of expenses is the first and
important
Correct quantifier usage
most important
show examples
 lesson that they will learn.
Secondly
,
college goings
Correct your spelling
college-going
show examples
kids
 living with
parents
 are often made fun of which eventually
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
 their social
life
 negatively. Many
kids
 who happen to live with their
parents
 often experience a hard time
to mingle
Change the verb form
mingling
show examples
 with other
kids
 in the university.
For example
,
kids
 who live with their
parents
 become more
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
 and shy which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 serious problems in later
life
.
Therefore
, living in a
hostel
 is not only challenging but can
also
 teach them some bitter but important
life
 lessons. To summarize, it is very important for a student to experience
hostel
life
 as it teaches them practical things which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 difficult to learn from classrooms.
Consequently
, many colleges around the world have
one-year
Add an article
a one-year
show examples
 mandatory policy for
students
 who have to stay in school for at least a year.
This
 policy intervention will help many
students
 to learn practical things
along with
 theoretical knowledge.
Submitted by rrjoshi1993 on

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task response
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. Also, ensure that all examples are relevant to the main idea.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is good, but try to use clearer transitions between paragraphs to improve coherence and cohesion.

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