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Band 4.5

Many people believe that increasing levels of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment. How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media?

#people #levels #violence #television #films #society #unemployment #media
It has been opined by various individuals that cruel
acts
 on digital media and
movies
 are the cause behind a higher level of brutality in the community
while
 others believe that it is
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a consequence of
unemployment
. I agree with both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views because it has a negative impact on society. To commence with, a lot of
crime
 takes place in our society by way of domestic
violence
 or any other
crime
.
This
 is
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a result of watching
crime
 series or
movies
 that show
violence
.
People
 watch action
movies
 or
crime-thriller
Fix the agreement mistake
crime-thrillers
show examples
 for their own pleasure and seeing those heroic
acts
 in action
movies
 they may
also
 feel to commit the same, not thinking of the reality which leads to domestic
violence
 that takes place for small reasons where the superior person beats the weaker ones with the motive of showing heroic powers.
On the other hand
, there are some dangerous sports like MMA which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
also
 the outcome of
violence
. Many teenagers watch
such
acts
 on
television
 and feel that they should
also
 prove their strength by beating weaker
people
 for no reason in schools and colleges.
However
,
unemployment
 is another
such
 problem. When
people
are getting
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 no scope
of earning
Change preposition
to earn
show examples
 money, they have nothing but to steal.
Therefore
, they rob and hurt
people
 with the intention of earning money for their survival.
For instance
, in India, around 60% of the
people
 live below the poverty line or
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 unemployed
as a result
 of which they commit crimes for their survival.
Therefore
,
such
violence
 should be stopped for
telecasting
Wrong verb form
telecasted
show examples
 on
television
. The government should come forward to stop
such
 advertisement agencies and
film-makers
Correct your spelling
filmmakers
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
telecasts
Verb problem
broadcast
show examples
such
 heinous
acts
 on
television
for gaining
Change preposition
to gain
show examples
 their
TRP’s
Change noun form
TRPs
show examples
. They should be charged with a higher level of fines or get a ban which would stop them
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 displaying
such
acts
further
.
On the other hand
, the government should
also
 come forward to help the unemployed. They should provide proper education, free of cost to the children and a fixed amount of stipend per month to the unemployed families so that they can make their
survival
Replace the word
survive
show examples
.
For instance
, in Canada, around 80% of the netizens receive
unemployment
 wages till the time they get employed
along with
 free education for the children. To summarise,
although
 a higher level of
crime
 takes place
as a result
 of
violence
 shown on
television
along with
unemployment
, the government by taking its remedial
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
 can help in getting rid of
such
 dangerous
acts
.
Submitted by ARIJIT MITRA on

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task response
Ensure that the examples and arguments are directly related to the prompt. Connect ideas more cohesively and logically for a clearer flow of information.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting ideas more cohesively and logically. Use more transition words and phrases for better coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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