With access to the internet and social media websites, many children are exposed to a number of dangerous situations. Adults should thus limit access to the internet for their children. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, most of the children are exposed to
the
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apply

It appears that the is unnecessary in this context. Consider removing it.

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numerous dangerous circumstances because of easy
avaliablity
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availability

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of
internet
& social websites.
Therefore
i
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I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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believe, it is important for guardians to take
necesssary
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necessary

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actions to restrict its usage
Hence
in
this
essay
i
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I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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will be elaborating points to justify my stand.
To begin
with
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,

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most of the children spend their time in mobile phones, computers &
ipads
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pads

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as they feel
its
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it's
it is

It appears that the possessive pronoun its should be a contraction instead. Consider changing it.

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very easily accessible. Investing
to
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too

The word to may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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much of their time on
internet
& social media
webisites
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websites
website

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may lead to the distraction . Children will not be able to concentrate on their studies & even being in front of the electronic devices might
also
weaken their vision .
For instance
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,

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we can see
m
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the
a

The noun phrase majority seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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ajority of young children wearing glasses nowadays which
didnt
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didn't

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use to be the case when we were young.
In addition
to
this
, there are many
internet
hackings and
cyber crimes
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cybercrimes

The word cyber crimes seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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taking place all over the world. It will become very easy for
the
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apply

It appears that the is unnecessary in this context. Consider removing it.

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hackers to misuse
this children
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this child
these children

It appears that the singular demonstrative this is modifying the plural noun children. Consider using a plural demonstrative or a singular noun instead.

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as they are very vulnerable. once the crime is taken place it cannot be blamed on the children as they are very naive to understand the criminal acts.
For Example
most of the times we read in the newspapers many frauds related to internets the main victims are children . They are used as puppets for making
fraudlent
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fraudulent

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transaction in financial websites. To
conculde
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conclude

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, I can say it is very important for the parents to keep an eye online activities of the children. As
i
Add an article
the

The noun phrase internet seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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nternet can be both boon and bane for the young minds
therefor
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therefore

The word therefor doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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it is important to use it wisely and under proper supervision.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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