IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#wealth #guaranty #happiness
There has been a heated debate on becoming rich doesn’t promise you to be
happiness
Replace the word
happy
show examples
. I completely concur with
this
 view that there are not mean I will be happy even I have plenty of property. To commence with, there have several reasons why I agree that
money
 cannot gain
happiness
.
Firstly
, even
money
 can satisfy any physical-items requirement but those goods can't make my happy. Those items or facilities have no emotion, they can't talk to me or concern me, they make me feel alone.
Secondly
, our personal security will be dangerous due to my highly valuable property, some criminal who will try to assault or arrest your family in order to steal your
money
 or some luxury items.
For example
, ten years ago, recording to Apple Taiwanese newspaper report that a 10 years old boy had been kidnapped by the criminal. The purpose of them was trying to gain a million pounds.
Thus
,
money
 does not mean we are happy and
also
 might cause our life in an unnecessary risk
However
, becoming
happiness
 is very easy for me. In my concept, there has a couple of factors to have a
happiness
Replace the word
happy
show examples
 life .
First
 are my family and friends who are love me and concern me. Whenever where I’m they are trying to make happy and support me.
Furthermore
, be healthy and safe. If I’m not healthy I can't hand out with my friends or travelling the world.
For example
, in
this
 2020 year, during the pandemic virus year a lot of people died and some of the people who have the virus-positive, they have to isolate separate from their family. In that situation,a lot of people have a bad experience
this
 year. To sum up, I believe that holding an amount of
money
 can purchase a high quality of life, while that
money
 doesn’t mean we are
happiness
Replace the word
happy
show examples
.
Submitted by atruru0427 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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